A Morning In The Life of Me

So my writing has taken a nose dive in the last couple of months. I'm a morning person and enjoy the solace of a quiet cup of coffee and being up before the kids. It turns out that with my life on the road I also enjoy sleeping in until the kids wake me up. Since I'm most motivated to write in the morning it's tough for me to write when my kids are awake. It usually goes a little like this...

"Hi mom! I missed you!" - says Ty (2)

Me thinking: Having kids is so great. What a sweetie.

"I want cereal!" - Ty

"Ok, let me pee first"

"Cereal! Cereal! Cereal!" Ty

"Just a minute."

"I. Want. Cereal. Now!"

Me thinking: Oh my god, kid. Seriously, have a little patience.

In reality: "I have to put my contacts in then I'll give you some cereal."

"Cereal! I want cereal!"...getting increasingly louder. Apparently, my kids have no inside voice.

"Ty, please be quiet. Reese and Stephanie (niece) are sleeping. I don't want to wake them up"

Sidenote: Reese without his sleep is like the Predator. Only I can't cover myself to hide.

"No! Aaah! Cereal!"

Internally: This kid is so annoying.

Furiously putting in my contacts, hoping I haven't awakened the beast I rush out to pour his cereal. Phew! Disaster averted. Nobody woke up.

"Feed me!"

"Ty, you can feed yourself."

"No! You! Feed! Me!"

"No, if you want to eat, you can feed yourself!"

Internally: Why did I have kids again?

"Fine, I'll feed you."

Sound of a creaking door. Oh no! Reese is awake. Do a quick eye scan trying to assess his mood. I think we're ok.

Reese shuffles to the couch with his blanket wrapped around him. The blanket is an on going battle for me. Since we live in a 34' travel trailer space is limited. Reese likes to drag the blanket around and behind him therefore, taking down everything in his path. Items he has taken down include: a cup of water, wine glass which he broke, a box of crackers, papers and various items laying around.

"Reese, can you put a shirt on and put your blanket back on your bed."

"Uuuh!"

Internally: That's not good. When he refuses the English language I know it's going to be a rough morning/day ahead. Some battles aren't worth fighting so I let this one go.

"I'm hungry!" - Reese

"Ok, what would you like to eat?

"I'm hungry!"

"You can have a banana, cereal or yogurt."

"I want a cookie"

"No cookies for breakfast."

"Cookie!"

"You are not having a cookie. Eat something healthy first then we'll talk."

"No!"

This is only 10 minutes into the start of my day. Think of an escape plan. What errands do I need to run. I can leave the kids with Jason, right? No, he'll see right through my plan. Think more creatively. Fake an injury? No, then I can't run.

Well, you get the point. Kids keep you busy and I can't complain. Traveling around the U.S. has been in a word: awesome!

Having the ability to see places I've only read about in person has been even better than I could have imagined. The ability to share that with my children has been something I know they will always remember. Kids are just annoying at times and it doesn't matter where your location is. At least I've had the benefit of going to some really cool places. My writing has diminished but that will ebb and flow.

I have some great races coming up and wanted to highlight a few of them:

• Tough Mudder! Huge shout out to Vanessa Runs for hooking me up on this one. I have wanted to run one of these races for a while but hadn't gotten around to it. I've only done one "obstacle" race and it turned out to be less obstacle and more flat trails with one mud pit at the end. It wasn't what I thought it would be and I look forward to pushing and testing myself at this race.

• Way Too Cool 50k - like the name it takes place in Cool, California. I entered the lottery to get into this race along with my badass friend Krista. We had hoped to both get entered and only I got chosen. I felt kind of bad because it was her idea and I was the one picked. This race promises: breathtaking trails, spirited aid stations, amazing views and pure fun!

• Rodeo Valley 50k - This 50k takes place a week after Way Too Cool and since I couldn't run with Krista at that event, I'll be running Rodeo Valley with her, Pablo, Vanessa and Shacky. We're all piling into Pablo's home and basically invading his life with our shenanigans and alcohol consumption.

• Pineland Farms 50k - This race takes place in Maine and I'll also be running with a group of friends. Trisha (who we coerced into signing up), Brad (also taunted him into signing up), Heather, Karen and more that I'm surely missing.

• Big Horn 50 miler - Jason is running the 100 mile race in Wyoming. This is a mountain race and the logistics will be a hassle but I couldn't resist begin able to run as well. Jason will round up a few crew members to assist him. His race starts the day before mine and we'll most likely end up finishing both our respective races at around the same time.

• Grand Mesa 100 miler - This is a grassroots race. Grassroots = small. Last year 13 people started the race and 6 finished. We're working on getting Jesse to sign up and run it with us to make it a party with some running thrown in :) The elevation profile is crazy but I cannot wait to run this!
  
  
  
• Pumpkin Holler 100 miler - I met a special lady when I ran Bandera 100k and I'm am lucky enough to run this race with her in her home state of Oklahoma. Jason will be crewing and pacing us again along with anyone else we can round up to help out. It looks like it will be run during fall colors and be on a beautiful course.
  

I feel very fortunate to have such a great line up of races to look forward to in 2012!

Bandera 100k Race Report

Going into Bandera I was worried about how I would do since I felt my actual training and long runs weren't as frequent as I was hoping they would be. I got sick and was fighting the tail end of a cold and hadn't done a long distance run since my marathon on December 3rd. I was hoping the mountain runs and hill repeats I was doing would help me on this course.

I was really excited to get on the course and see what it looked like first hand. I had heard there were lots of steep hills and beautiful views. It had been a while since my last long run and I was also looking forward to that feeling you get only when you've run long and far. I wanted the feeling where your body feels like it has really done something. Your legs start to feel a little fatigued, your stomach feels like you have done a ton of situps and your lungs feel the start of a slight burn. For me, it's the best feeling in the world!

At the start I saw Katie, who first told me about the race and came all the way from Michigan to run. We chatted at the start while trying to ignore my crazy paparazzi picture-taking husband. Looking around we could see some nice hills and wondered again what the course would look like.

Finally, the start came and the run started. In total 220 people were signed up for the 100k but there was also a 50k and 25k starting at the same time. I wondered how congested the trails would be but I was pleasantly surprised at how smoothly everything went. The other races didn't start in the same spot and although there was some waiting at the beginning it cleared out much faster than I thought it would.

The race start: The second guy in red won the race. We saw him win while we headed out for our second loop.

The beginning of the race had some great hills, climbs and views. I was happy to slow down just to enjoy the views around me. As always, I wish I had brought a camera with me but I still cannot get used to carrying a pack on my back. One of these days I'll figure out an easier way to carry a camera or phone with me.

Katie and I at the start. Go purple!

The first 5 miles seemed to fly by. I heard music up ahead and I came up on the first aid station. I was determined I was going to make sure I ate enough food at the aid stations and throughout the race. At Javalina that was one of my big mistakes. Since I don't eat gluten I made sure this time I prepared more foods to eat. Jason was meeting me at the aid stations so I looked around for him but didn't see him. I was guessing it wasn't crew accessible so I ate from the aid table. I had a gel, chips and nuts and kept going.

During this section the crowd had thinned down dramatically but there were still runners around me. I heard loud breathing at one point and thought it was the girl behind me until she passed by quietly breathing. To my shock, I realized it was me breathing so loudly. What an odd feeling to realize it was you and not be aware of it. I was still on the tail end of recovering from my cold and the dust from the trail must have bothered me more than I thought. I had a hard time breathing from my nose due to congestion so the dust must have settled in. It wasn't hurting me but it was an odd feeling.

On this section I was behind three other runners Bob, Karrie and Mark. Mark looked like my friend John and I kept forgetting what his actual name was after I associated him with John. I hate when I do that!

Bob was an ultra veteran. He was at the front of the line so I didn't hear much about his running history. Karrie was running her first 100k as well as John...damnit! I mean Mark :) Mark's previous longest run was 17 miles. He wanted to challenge himself and signed up for the 100k.

At some point, Bob ran ahead and it was just the three of us. It was really enjoyable running with other people and sharing our stories. I love the people that I meet on the trails and it's one of the reasons I love running these races. I love hearing other peoples experiences and personal stories.

Karrie, me, Mark and Cory (a fellow barefoot runner we met on the course)

Just before the next aid station I saw my paparazzi husband taking pictures. It's always a boost for me to see Jason at any race. He snapped a few more pictures then it was my turn to play diva runner so I shouted out my demands :) Okay, maybe I was nice but I was certainly taking advantage of having him at my full disposal and put him to work.

I demand my food!

I was trying out new race foods and ate two corn tortillas with hummus. They weren't as good as when they're warm but I was still able to easily eat them. I was also trying rice bread with peanut butter for the first time and also ate one sandwich. It was still early so I didn't need much.

I was enjoying running with Karrie and hoping I wasn't slowing her down too much so we could continue running together. We lost Mark at this point and thought we would catch him later on the trail. I saw Karrie and asked if she wanted to run together. We were both unsure of how to pace ourselves. I didn't want to go out too fast knowing the course was challenging with hills and rocks. Those rocks would become my enemy later on.

Karrie went in front, we walked the hills and ran the flat spots. I was secretly worried I was holding her back but was happy for the company. The next 10 miles was pretty magical. The sun was out, the trail was gorgeous and I had great running company.

The reason I love hearing people's stories on the trail is because they are so inspiring. Karrie and I talked about all kinds of topics. We shared slot of personal stories and all I can say is she is an amazing lady that I was fortunate to run with. Sometimes I'm a little overwhelmed at how lucky I am to be able to run in such amazing races and the ability to travel and have such wonderful adventures. I know there was a lot of work that was done to get to that point but I'm still grateful for everything I have.

The next aid station was called Crossroads and we would go there twice. We were getting into the full heat of the day. I would prefer heat any day over cold but it made some spots of the course a little more challenging.

Running into Crossroads aid station

When we got into Crossroads the second time Jason was there making sure I ate enough. The food choices were working out great. I was also using Heed as my drink of choice and I was feeling great! There was one more aid station until we got to the start finish...two 50k loops total. At the start/finish I would be picking up Jason as a pacer.

Running into Crossroad the second time.

Showing off my tat with plenty of sunscreen

I was still running with Karrie and feeling good. The section from Crossroads to the next aid station Last Chance was a bit of a surprise for us. We were told the last 5 miles was challenging so we expected this section to be a bit easier. Instead it had one of the steepest climbs in the middle. Some people were stopping to catch their breath before they got to the top. We made it up but it was definitely challenging.

If we thought going up was difficult, going down was crazy. It was a steep incline filled with tiny rocks that worked as roller skates if you hit them just right. Somehow we managed not to fall down during this section which is a feat for my clumsy self. We did wonder how this was going to feel on our second loop in the dark.

We made it to Last Chance which was 26 miles into the race. Karrie had told me about the infamous Olga. She is known for her 'tell it like it is' personality and expertise in handling any problem you might encounter on the trail. While we were there she was helping out someone who had nausea and this is where we finally ran into Mark again who wasn't looking so good. He was at a distance PR but in rough shape.

Olga saw him and said "I don't know you but you look like shit!" You need to get some salt and fluids in you. You're going to take these s-caps, drink some water and sit here for 10 minutes. Then you're going to go back out there!"

We were with Mark for this 5 mile stretch to the start/finish. He told us he was feeling really rough and didn't know if he was going to make it back out for the second loop. We encouraged him to eat more, rest a bit, soak his feet in ice and get back out there. He had pacers that would run with him so we were hoping he would take our advice. I may or may not have told him I would kick his ass if he didn't get back out there.

The last 5 miles was my low point of the race. It was hot, I was thirsty and starting to feel those ultra legs setting in. Up until this point I was feeling really great and this is the first time a sliver of doubt snuck into my train of thoughts. Knowing the toughness of the course and the rocks that were pounding into my feet I wasn't sure of my abilities. I didn't voice any of these concerns but they were there.

All of these thoughts evaporated when I saw Jason just before the start/finish. Seeing him in his sexy BI3's ready to run was all I needed to boost my spirits. I ran into the aid station, changed clothes, refueled, hit up the porta-potty and me, Jason and Karrie headed back out for the second loop.

I was excited for Jason to see the course before it got dark. We were able to see the the first 5 miles before the sun set and I was happy he got to see the views. I knew he would enjoy the hills and climbs.

We settled into a good groove. Jason first, then Karrie and me behind. We would walk the hills and when Jason started to run we would both follow. We were good little runners. Although I did tell Karrie that Jason was probably very thankful she was there. I was less likely to whine about anything in the presence of someone else. He didn't deny that :)

I had been joking during the day that the hills were great for the ass because they are great for toning and lifting that area. I told Karrie we were going to wake up with 19 year old asses the next morning because there were so many hills.

We were seeing some of the same runners at this point and were leap frogging each other. It's like a REALLY long game of tag. At the second aid station I saw Katie again. She was kicking ass on this course. She claims she's slow but she's being very humble!

It was dark at this point and I was loving the quiet darkness of the trail. I LOVE night running. I always worried that I would be tired because I'm a bit like a senior citizen. I like going to bed early and getting up in the morning. But I didn't feel tired at all, just the exhilaration of being on the trail.

At around mile 42 I was scared of voicing this but I was feeling great! I told Karrie "I hate to jinx myself but I can't believe how good I feel and how strong I'm running at this point". I had not felt that good during my 50 miler in September. I was on a total running high and actually felt just as good as I did during the first loop. I have heard of this happening to others but I didn't believe I would ever feel it myself. This is going to be an addictive feeling I know!

We ran into Crossroads feeling hungry. I knew I had to eat more but was starting to fight it. I knew it was gong to be important to eat even if I didn't feel like it. Luckily, the aid stations gods were looking out for me and the best tasting mashed potatoes I have ever had the pleasure of eating were waiting there for me. I ate two cupfuls, a sandwich and some coke. Off and on, my stomach was feeling a little acidic and I was lucky that Karrie was carrying some with her and sharing with me. They helped settle my stomach.We were planning on staying there for a bit to eat and let the food settle but I was feeling restless and wanted to head back out. I wanted to take advantage of the feelings I was having and keep moving.

Again, I was still feeling so good and surprised at how well I was running. We settled into our running groove and made it back to Crossroads again. I was hoping for more of those magical mashed potatoes but had to settle for potato soup which was good but didn't produce the same magical taste of rainbows in my mouth :)

Feeling good at mile 52!

Only one more aid station until the finish! We knew this was going to be a difficult stretch because of the huge hill and climb back down. We had been telling Jason about this hills for many miles and told him it was going to be tough but a funny thing happened. We kept waiting for the hill and when we finally got to it when we got to the top we both (Karrie and I) had the same reaction. "Huh, that wasn't so bad". How was it possible that the giant hill felt so easy the second time around? The only conclusion I had was it was easier when it wasn't in the full heat of the day and I guess we just needed 53 miles to stretch out our legs.

We made it to the Last Chance aid station and I knew I had to eat. I was out of tortillas and sandwiches so I ate chips, a gel and some coke. The aid station workers were very entertaining. They had tequila available if you were so inclined. I've never been a tequila girl so I passed.

I knew the last 5 miles were going to be tough. My feet felt beat up and I this part was going to be very rocky with lots of hills. We were still walking the hills and running the flat spots until the last 3 miles. I know Jason and Karrie could have run more during this time but I was really feeling it on the bottom of my feet. While I probably could have mustered up the energy to run a little it felt better to walk and avoid the rocks. I was getting clumsy and rolling the rocks over with my feet and the frustration of that made it easier for me to walk.

I asked Karrie to let me know when we had 3 miles left, then 2, then 1. We were going to finish and finish strong! We were looking for a house at the end that would signal we had a quarter mile left. Our plan was to run it in at that point for the finish.

When we started running I told Karrie I was so thankful to be able to run so much of this race with her. She lifted my spirits and made the race so enjoyable. I don't think I would have run it as well without her. She was my running angel!

We saw the finish line, heard cheering and ran it in where we received our belt buckles. I'm still in a little disbelief that I felt so good during this race despite the toughness of the course. It confirmed what I had previously thought that I like more technical trails and like the varying terrain. I think it's easier for my body to handle the constant change up of the course and mentally I love it!

Belt buckles!

We proudly took pictures of our buckles at the end. This is by far the best race I have had so far. Thank you Jason & Karrie for making it such a wonderful experience!

Pre Race Thoughts

Tomorrow will be my first 100k (Bandera 100k in Texas) I participate in. The day before I'm full of excitement, anxiousness and mostly just ready to run a long distance. I had high hopes to get more training miles in but sometimes it doesn't always work out the way you had hoped.

This last month my longest run was a marathon and I had hoped to get a few more 20 milers in as well. Between getting sick and traveling I wasn't able to do as much as I would like. I did get in plenty of mountain runs (between 6-8 miles), hill repeats (Arizona has awesome hills!) and tempo runs.

Even without those longer runs, I'm really excited to run this race. While I was hoping to be a little more prepared I'm excited about the journey. I'm going to try out some new gluten free race foods. At Javalina part of my crashing was not eating enough food so this will be a good time to play around with new food combos.

The aid stations will have the usual foods I like such as salted potatoes, chips and fruit. I'm also going to test out corn tortillas with hummus. I've taken them on short runs with good success. I also bought rice bread which I plan on making peanut butter sandwiches out of. The aid stations will also be stocked with Heed, one of my favorite sports drinks. I like the taste and I like that it is calorie packed which means I don't have to eat as many calories in between aid stations.

Then there's the course itself. In the course description, here are some of my favorite lines:

"My goal was to create a long distance trail that was as difficult as possible yet still runnable, so it isn't easy, it wasn't intended to be"

"All our aid stations are staffed with experienced trail runners, as they will best understand your needs. They will provide more encouragement than sympathy"

I'm excited to get on the course which has many hills and climbs. The course is (2) 50k loops and after the first loop I can have a pacer. Lucky me, I have the best pacer there is....Jason! Probably not the traditional "date night" but I can't think of a better way to spend our time.

I look forward to the people I will meet, the stories I will hear and the experience I will gain!

This and That

With Jason traveling to various places teaching clinics I haven't had as much time as I would like to write. I wanted to write down a few things that are coming up that I'm really looking forward to.

Starting with next week! I'll be getting a half arm sleeve tattoo. I've been wanting this for some time but haven't been able to get it done due to moving around so much. I was supposed to get one back in September but the timing was off. I didn't think it would be the best idea to get this tattoo the day before my 50 miler so I put it off. I'll let the design be a surprise but will post pictures next week and say it will have the initials of my brother and grandmother who passed away somewhere in it.

Secondly, I signed up for Bandera 100k in Texas on January 7th. I've never run this distance before and I'm really looking forward to it. I crave running these long distances like I never imagined I would. I meet people on the trails that even if I never see them again I consider them life long friends. We connect in a way that I can't quite fully explain other than we share kindred spirits, a love of the trails and a sense of adventure. I love the whole experience of ultras and it's probably why I try talking so many people into running them.

Lastly, I have a few options of the next 100 miler I am going to sign up for. After not completing the last one I am anxious to sign up knowing it's out there in the future. I have a few circulating in my head but will hold off on saying what they are until I sign up.

Something I've been thinking about when deciding which one to sign up for is what type of terrain to run in. I really love the mountains and I love tough, technical trails. When I signed up for my first marathon I signed up for a trail marathon and to this day it remains one of my favorite races and one of the toughest races I've run. It was hot, humid, muddy and had sections of the course where we had to use ropes to climb down the terrain. I loved it! I later ran a road marathon out of curiosity to see how fast I could run it. While I could run it much faster than the trail marathon it didn't hold the same appeal for me. I missed that the solitude and comradery that the trails hold.

I could sign up for a flat, relatively easy 100 mile race but I know it won't hold the same appeal for me as something much more rugged and hilly. I've looked at some of the cut off times for different 100 milers and feared if it took the really good runners longer to run the course what makes me think I can run it?

I kept coming back to my first trail marathon experience and how much I enjoyed it. I'm not going to be scared off with cutoff times. I know I'm a slow runner but I also know that what I love most is running in the mountains.

If all goes well, I'll sign up soon for that race and be able to look forward to my goal race soon!

Calling all Ladies!

Why aren't there more ladies running in minimalist shoes? I'm not sure I have the answer to that question but I would love to share my thoughts on why it works for me. Prior to making the change I would have never dreamt of running one marathon much less running 6 in the past year and making the jump into running ultras. Making the change for me has made running more fun, it's meant less injuries and better flexibility. I'm not the fastest runner out there but I am in love with long distance running and would not have made the leap if not for making the switch.

So for any ladies out there with questions about minimalist shoes Merrell will be hosting a series of chats about women and minimalist/barefoot running. The chats will take place on Merrell's Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/merrell).

(All times US EST)
12/01/11
1 to 2pm and 7 to 8pm – Emily Snayd

12/08/11
1 to 2pm – Iris Sutcliffe

12/15/11
1 to 2pm – Caity McCardell

12/22/11
1 to 2pm – Shelly Robillard

12/29/11
7 to 8pm – Krista Cavender

01/05/12
1 to 2pm – Katie Kift

Javalina Recap!

As all of our adventures begin, there is usually some shenanigans the night before the actual race and this did not disappoint. The day before running Javalina Jundred we picked up Jesse at the airport and headed out towards packet pickup.

Start/Finish line

I was a bundle of nerves and excited to see the start of the race and get my packet. P.F. Chang's brought a catered dinner to eat at packet pickup...yum! Heading through the line I opted for brown rice and cashew chicken but then spotted the rice noodles. I love rice noodles so I asked for a scoop of them as well while secretly hoping to get two scoops. There was that awkward moment of holding my plate up waiting for the scoop before realizing there wouldn't be another. Yes, I like to eat!

Seeing the start/finish was really cool. It had a very laid back, fun vibe to it. After we ate, we headed back to the hotel. Originally, I thought we would be camping near the start/finish but as we found out in Arizona we did not meet the standard age requirement needed to stay at most RV parks. We were neither 55 and had small children. Who knew we would have such a hard time finding a park that accepted 55 and below! Since we were over an hour away we opted to get a hotel closer to the start/finish.

On the way back to the hotel we all decided we were still hungry and made a quick stop to El Pollo Loco. Talk about delicious fast Mexican food. I got a rice bowl while Jason and Jesse ate tacos and burritos.

Back at the hotel, we met up with another minimalist shoe runner, Buzz. He lives in the area and has talked via the Internet with Jason and Jesse. We were still waiting for the last crew member, Jon to arrive who was driving in from San Diego.

Around 10 pm I opted for bed while the guys stayed up talking, drinking and waiting for Jon. The next portion of this report was retold to me by Jesse Scott and while I certainly wished I was up for the events, hearing Jesse retell it had me laughing until I cried.

Scene - Jesse and Jason sitting in chairs with the hotel shades open. The room was set on the first floor where you could see the pool and hot tub. The shades were open so they could easily spot Jon. Time: 10:30ish

There's a knock on the door and Jason gets up to open it. He didn't see Jon from the window but he assumes he just missed him.

Jesse sees a young woman knocking but does nothing to stop Jason from opening the door.

Jason opens the door a little surprised. The young lady says "I saw you guys creeping on us through the window"

Jason blinks rapidly and stutters "Ummmm...uuuuhhhh......no, we were waiting for our friend to show up"

The young girls says "We wanted to know if you guys were 20 friendly."

Jason - "Ummmmmm.......uuuhhhh.........ummmm." and is in a state of confusion.

Meanwhile Jesse is giggling in his chair knowing what she's talking about but making no attempt to fill in the blanks for Jason.

The young girls says again "So, are you guys 20 friendly?"

More rapid blinking and stammering from Jason while realization sets in as to what she's asking for: marijuana.

Jason "Ummmm...no. we don't have any"

Young girl "What about your friend. When he shows up will he be 20 friendly?"

Jason: "Not that we have anything against it but no, we don't have any."

Eventually the young girl realizes they really aren't 20 friendly and leaves. Jon eventually shows up and they stay up until 2 a.m. drinking.

My alarm went off at 3:30 a.m. and I get ready. We're out the door by 4 to head to the start. The race started at 6:00 a.m. with a shuttle to the start so we wanted to make sure we had plenty of time and we did.

Ready at the hotel

There were many people dressed up in costume. I was trying to work a Catholic school girl look. There was a man in a full toilet costume which was hilarious but must have been hot as hell later on the course. Below, are some pictures of people in costumes.

Catra!

The start seemed really surreal for me. It felt like I was watching someone else get ready to run. I was still trying to wrap my head around 100 miles but I was going in with total excitement.

Jesse and I trying to stay warm at the start

Jon's experiment with boiling water. It boiled over and almost gave him third degree burns

I'm ready!

The guy in the silver had a toilet on his front - hilarious!

I started out with a jacket, gloves and my headlamp since it was still chilly and dark. The first stretch of the course was pretty congested so I walked until it thinned out. I wasn't sure how to pace myself given the distance to be covered.

The first loop (which was just shy of 16 miles) felt great. I chatted with several runners, was full of smiles and surrounded by beautiful mountains, cactus, a full moon, some blue sky and puffy clouds. After each aid station I was running on a sugar fueled high.

I spotted someone wearing huaraches and asked him how they were holding up on the course. It turned out to be Leif who Jason has known for several years. It was great talking about running and kids with him. He also has 3 around the same ages as ours. I have a theory going that the second child in the family is quite stubborn. He only confirmed my theory :)

Leif and I after Loop 1

At the end of loop 1 I got to see Jesse and Jason. Jon was catching up on his sleep. I was fueling on GU, salted potatoes and chips. For hydration I was using HEED but only had access to it in my drop bag and at the start. I was filling up with water at the other two aid stations.

I headed back out for loop 2 and chatted again for a little while with Leif but he eventually ran ahead. Loop 2 got really toasty. The sun was out making things very warm. I had already taken off my jacket and had only one long sleeve white shirt. I like the heat though and never felt like it was too hot but I did think about grabbing an extra hand held to keep hydrated at the end of the second loop.

I met more great runners and chatted at various times during this loop. Towards the end of loop 2 I was feeling stiff and that ultra ache was setting in. The last aid station before the start/finish was 2 miles away. I quickly drained the refilled water bottle due to the heat.

At the end of Loop 2

At the end of the second loop I was feeling really hungry. I didn't eat as much as I probably should have (of course this is hindsight talking too). While potatoes and GU were working I was thinking I should get something more substantial.

Sadly, I don't think I refueled properly, again hindsight but I headed out for the third loop. This was the beginning of the end for me.

I ran for a bit then started to walk. My legs were so tight. I thought it was a hydration issue so I again quickly drained my water bottle before the first aid station at 2 miles. At that aid station I ate more potatoes which were losing their appeal for me. They felt gummy and had a strange after taste so I ate a GU instead.

This is where things quickly took a nose dive. The next aid station was 6 miles away and during the previous 2 loops it felt like one of the longest stretches of the course. It was more difficult and the most technical part of the loop so maybe that's why it felt longer. During the previous two stretches I loved that section. This time it became my enemy.

A sweet older gentleman saw me struggling and asked how I was doing. I told him "Not well. I feel nauseous and dizzy." He told me "Don't worry, it will get better."

At this point self doubt was creeping in. Could I do this? Am I mentally and physically strong enough? Maybe I'm just not a good runner.

Many people passed me at this point and all were beyond nice. I had drained my water bottle and continued to feel nauseous. I had visions of dropping at the next aid station but continued to hobble on.

When I finally got there I seriously contemplated dropping. If not for the fact that I would have to ask someone to bring me back to the start/finish line I think I would have. Instead I picked up my jacket. It was starting to get cold again and my flashlight and headlamp because it would be reaching sunset soon.

Beautiful sunset

I grabbed some chicken broth because it sounded good, ate a Rice Krispie treat and maybe a GU. Things got fuzzy at this point and I was not thinking clearly.

I had one more aid station to go until I saw my crew again. I continued on and was only walking at this point.

It was during this stretch I knew I would be dropping at the start/finish line. I was in a dark, dark place. Self doubt and my ability to dig deep and get myself out of this low was gone. My body ached, my feet were swollen and I could not get myself from a hobble into any sort of a shuffle or a run.

My running armor was slowly being peeled away. It didn't matter what my 5k PR was, it didn't matter that I felt great at the end of my 50k three weeks ago and it didn't matter that I had completed a 50 miler (actually 54 because I went off course). I was feeling raw and exposed. And while I've felt this way before and managed to get through it I was not able to do it this time.

I made it to the next aid station and filled up on hot cocoa, potatoes (blah!) and a GU. I refilled my empty water bottle and turned on my flashlight and headed towards the end.

My only reason for going on was so I could stop. I knew Jason and the rest of the crew would try and talk me out of quitting and I was mentally preparing what I would say to them. During this last stretch there were tears shed knowing I wouldn't be completing my goal today. There were tears shed because I didn't feel I could go on. There were tears shed because I was worry I would be disappointing my crew.

Finally, I got to the finish and my crew was reading to refill my water bottle, get me food and any other aid I might need. Jason asked how I was doing and I had a muffled "Not good" answer. I told him let me sit down and we would talk.

In my crew's defense they tried to talk me into continuing on but I knew there was nothing they could say to make me change my mind. Sometimes my stubbornness works for me and sometimes against. This was the latter.

I sadly walked to the aid station and told them I was dropping. I could have opted to continue on for one more loop and finish as a 100k finisher but I didn't want to continue on if I wasn't going to be able to finish the complete distance.

Many thoughts filled my head that night. I wasn't disappointed or beating myself up because I didn't finish. I wondered if I had it in me to finish 100 miles. Was I missing something that others had? Was I not tough enough?

This is where having a great crew and awesome husband who has run several 100 mile races was the best! That night and the next day we rehashed what had happened to me out on the course. The day I dropped I didn't know if I wanted to tackle another 100 miler, the next day it was clear I did.

This is what I learned from my experience:

* I did not eat enough. I needed many more calories going in based on the distance I was going. My huge low was largely due to those lack of calories. Even if I didn't eat whole food I wasn't eating enough GU or other like products partly because of my intolerance to gluten. I knew this going in so it's my own fault for not bringing more food items that I could eat. Much of the food at the aid stations were either sandwiches, pizza or wraps. While potatoes and GU got me through a 50 miler they were not enough for me during this race.

* I never picked up a second handheld for water. I thought about it but never followed through.

*I should have carried Heed with me to mix with my water or chosen half water/half Gatorade mixture instead of filling up on just water. This would have given me more calories to drink to help replace those that I was losing. I was scared to take Gatorade after getting nauseous during my 50 miler. After talking to others, most said if it was watered down you didn't get those issues.

* I believed I couldn't come out of my low. I thought I was too foregone with hydration and eating. I realized the next day I just needed to eat more. Physically, I felt good. My feet weren't too swollen, muscles weren't too sore. After my 50 miler I was physically more beat up and I knew I could have run more.

I didn't know just how much I wanted to complete a 100 miler until I didn't. I am even more eager to tackle one and oddly more confident in my ability to finish one. I am taking all that I learned from this experience to take me into the next one.

Lastly, I wanted to thank everyone for their kind comments on Facebook. I am a lucky girl and have the best friends, online or to be met someday in the future in person.

Two awesome ultrarunners who I want to thank are

*Kai Keliikuli - who told me not to get discouraged. If you can run 45 miles, you can run 100.

* Ben Dougherty - who it took 4 times to complete his first 100. He wisely told me to reflect, learn then go at it again!

Sometimes people don't realize how encouraging and powerful their words are so I wanted to thank them personally for their thoughtful words!

Thoughts about Javalina 100 miler...only 6 days away!

It's less than a week until Javalina 100 and I have many thoughts swirling around in my head. Am I ready for this? Did I prepare enough? Just how far can I push myself?.......and so on.

About 2 weeks ago I ran Bimblers Bluff 50k. I went into the race the morning feeling kind of blah. I'm still a beginner in ultra running but one thing I have found to be true is no matter how you are feeling on race day, that doesn't translate to how you will feel during the race. I have started some races feeling full of energy and ready to run and felt depleted of energy during the run. I have started some races with sore muscles, an upset stomach and it was one of the best races I've ever had. How you feel before is no guarantee of what it will be like out on the course.

That being said, I felt the best I've ever felt during a race all the way up until the end. The terrain was rocky, challenging and even had a few climbs where I got to use my hands to climb over large rocks. I loved it!

During that race I only experienced one low where I asked myself "Why don't I do normal things like hiking and picnics?" but that low quickly disappeared when I refueled and drank water at the next aid station. I finished the race in 8 hours but it felt like 2.

I felt strong at the end and never thought I would hear myself say that at the end of 31 miles of technical trail running. I even went back the next day to the toughest section, a huge hill/climb of the course to run on tired legs. While I started off stiff, I quickly loosened up and lost myself in the run.

This was a boost to my confidence going into Javalina. I may not be fast but I'm definitely scrappy! I have no expectations about what it will be like until I experience it for myself firsthand. I've had a glimpse of it during my 50 miler in September but only a glimpse.

I'm not trying to prove to the world I can do it and I'm not even trying to prove it to myself. I signed up to push myself far, far outside my comfort zone. I didn't want to play it safe and give myself a thousand excuses why now is not my time and why I shouldn't do it. I will never know what I am capable of doing if I don't try. I will never know how far I can push myself until I do it. I will never overcome obstacles by being static.

I am running because I love it. I am running because it gives me peace. I am running because it makes me feel alive and strong.

I am running.....because I can!