A Few Updates

Just a few quick updates.

#1

I signed up for a trail marathon this Saturday. I got marathon envy watching my fellow runner's updates about marathons they were running last week. Originally, I was supposed to volunteer but couldn't resist the urge to run it instead. Jason will be volunteering and recruiting a few others to help him out in my place. I haven't run trails as much as I would have liked over the winter so this should be interesting. The last trail marathon I ran was in August at the end of my peak fitness (summer vacation means I have a lot more time to run & work out!). I'm going into it with the mindset of having fun and enjoying the chance to run on new trails! I have the added bonus of seeing Jason at the aid stations and lots of fellow runners from the area. I will definitely be Running Smiley!

#2

I had the kids on my own for 4 days while Jason was hosting a clinic and running at Pineland Farms. As the kids get older, it's definitely much easier to manage them on my own. On Memorial Day, we went to my mom's place which is great because there's so much land for the kids to roam. They ended up engaging in a mud fight & had a great time! Who doesn't let their kids get dirty? It's so much fun! These pictures are definitely going to make it on my next year's Christmas card!

It took him a little longer to join in but there was no stopping him once he did

Running & sliding into the mudpit!

Yes, it did take a good hour to get them all clean :)

#3

On June 15th I'm flying out to Boulder, CO. We're taking the older two kids with us and it will be their first time flying. I've never been there before and we have the added bonus of visiting Jesse and running trails with him. We're also running the Naked Foot 5k On June 18th! My first barefoot race!

What Works For Me

I once heard a celebrity reply to the question "How do you balance it all?" Of course, I can't remember the celebrity but I do remember the response. And as a former teacher, we're all about stealing ideas and using them as our own so that's what I'm doing - stealing that response.

She said "I don't. There is no such thing as balance. I like to compare it to juggling. I have all these balls in the air and I respond to whatever ball needs to be attended to". I really loved that answer. It describes my life perfectly and how I manage whatever is going on in my life at the time. I tend to what's most important and that doesn't always means everything gets attended to equally.

In my life the things I value most would be the following: I love being married, I love my kids, I love running, I love spending time with quality friends and when I was teaching I got a lot of enjoyment out of connecting with kids. Some days I feel more pulled in one area than the other and that changes daily. I try to do all of these things but at varying degrees.

When I was pregnant for the first time people would say things like "Get your sleep now because you'll need it". As if there was a sleep bank that I would pull a deposit out of in the future. Or others would comment "You're never going to get any alone again." At the time, I didn't know what to expect and worried what they were saying was true but later found out that while your life certainly does change, you can still make times for those things that are a priority for you.

As my kids got a little older, the comments changed and became "Is your kid enrolled in ___?" or "You better hurry up and sign up for ____, it's almost full". I thought I had to enroll my kids in these programs or they would be missing out on something. And while, I'm not knocking all programs and find they have a useful place in kids lives, I felt like I was doing them for the wrong reasons. I felt we were too busy as a family and carting the kids from one event to the other was just making us all tired and cranky. I learned to stop listening to the voices around me and follow my own instincts.

I realized that these programs just weren't right for my family. I want my kids to be active and don't really care what they do. But I want them to want to do it and I want them to have fun.

So instead my family might go to a local park and run hills with the kids. Sometimes I race them and sometimes they roll down the hill. We've also started taking more nature walks together. We pack a lunch and walk to our destination, eat, then head back. We can walk at our leisure, stop anywhere along the way and I don't feel rush, tired or cranky.

I make time to run because that's my favorite form of exercise because it serves as a good role model to my kids, it clears my head, it de-stresses me and overall I just love it!

I make time for my friends because they make me smile. Our group of Hobby Joggas are quality people. No matter what kind of day I've had they can always make me laugh until I cry.

I make time for my husband because he's a huge priority. I love spending time with him. As corny as it sounds he's my best friend and the person whom I'm most excited to talk to about the events of the day with. We set aside time to talk every night and date nights are a must.

Last weekend, grandma wanted to take the kids overnight to spend time with them and I jokingly told my 6 yr old daughter "Mom and dad are going to party tonight". She replied "You don't love us, you don't want us to be here". I went on to tell her that most certainly do love her but I also love her dad. And that mom and dad's need to spend alone time together. I don't want to make the mistake of investing all my energy into the kids only to neglect my partner whom I chose to have these lovely children with. The more connected I am with Jason the better I feel about parenting.

Before I would feel guilt about this as if I was doing something wrong or taking something away from my kids. But I later realized that if I didn't show my kids how important spending time with their future partners is, where would they learn it? If I invested all my energy into them how would my relationship with Jason suffer?

That's one of the best things about life. We get to create our own paths and this is what works for me.

Robillard Adventures

If you're interested in following our family's adventures on the road, I will be making posts here at our Robillard Adventures page.

We aren't officially leaving in our new travel trailer until July 1st but I will be writing posts about getting ready and our trip to Boulder in June. Since Jason and I were a bit of pack rats or just too lazy to go through our belongings, it's been a very liberating process to simplify our lives. Although it feels great to get rid of our possession it's also been a very tiring, time consuming job.

Confidence is sexy!

I read a post by Vanessa Runs and it inspired me to write my own post about confidence and how I found it.

Becoming more confident for me was a lot of different things. Exercise helps but it wasn't the only thing either. There have been other times I have been more fit and thinner but that didn't translate to confidence for me. For me, becoming more confident was believing in myself and overcoming challenges I previously thought impossible. Some of those steps for me are listed here.

Everyone struggles with their own issues and a big one for me was the ability to stand up for myself. I would worry so much about what other people thought of me and obsess over bits of conversations I would have with others. If they made a comment about me I would take their words and apply a different meaning to them instead of taking their words for their real meanings.

I remember when I was 16 years old I had a boy I had a crush on me tell me I would be good looking if I lost 10 or 15 lbs. At 16 I weighed 125 lbs at 5'7" tall. I was anything but fat, but I remember feeling crushed and wondering if I should lose weight. I didn't have the confidence then to recognize this boy's words for what they really meant. I heard "you're not good enough, you are fat". What he really said was "I'm not a man and in order to feel better about myself, I have to make others feel inferior".

The best thing about being more confident has been the ability to attract like minded individuals. In past friendships I would have to worry about everything I said or throw in a lot of reassurances and sometimes I'm sorry's but I have found when you have confident friends all of that is gone. And thank goodness because it was exhausting!

Now if I'm being an asshole my friends will tell me I'm being an asshole. If I say something that offends them, we talk about it. I don't have to worry I've insulted them or they took on different meanings to my words because I know they have the ability to talk to me about any issues we might have. I don't have to worry that if I said something they will get petulant and make backhanded comments. I don't have to worry because they will be direct and mean what they say.

I've had a long time battle with my self image but the older I get the more confident I become. I may not have the abs of steel I would like but overall I am really happy with my appearance. I have more things I do like than I don't like and I choose to focus on the positives instead of wallowing in what I don't have. (Side note on the abs: I like alcohol too much to ever have a 6 pack! :)

MTD's Race Report

This race report will be less of a race report and more of a summation of what I learned about myself as a person and a runner.

This was my second time running Mind The Duck's 12 hour endurance run. Last year I finished with a little over 40 miles. People would ask me about my goals for this race and I said 50 miles but honestly it was a number I thought sounded reasonable. I felt I was in better running shape this year and had put in more miles but I didn't really care so much about the actual number of miles I would run.

Me at MTD's

This year I finished with 34 miles but I stopped after 8 hours. When I stopped Jason asked if I would be angry at myself tomorrow if I stopped now and didn't continue on, I said no. I wouldn't be upset with myself. I knew I could continue on but it would be mostly walking or a shuffle run that was comparable to other people's walking speed. I decided to become a spectator and cheer others on.

A few days after the race, I felt really down and a little depressed. I thought back to the race and wondered if I felt down because I hadn't continued on. That wasn't it. I was proud of myself for running more and walking less this year. This year I ran most of the 34 miles and probably walked about 2-3 miles. Last year I walked far more than I ran. I guess I compare it to the build up of planning for a big wedding and when it's done you have a bit of the blues from the ending of the event.

When I reflected on myself as a runner I realized that it didn't matter what numbers I put up or how fast I ran. What I felt down about was everything leading up to the race. I get far more enjoyment out of the journey than the end result. I am not disciplined enough to try and get faster and I run for the enjoyment of running. Sometimes I set PR's and sometimes I don't. At the end of the day, that isn't what motivates me to run.

I feel like I should be motivated by those things because most people are. I thought I was strange or the only one that feels that way. After talking to Jason, we both find we are very similar. It's not always the end goal that we receive so much pleasure from. Usually it's everything in between.

There have been only a few races that I have completed that I think "I am so proud!". Usually, those were races I did for the first time or distances I ran for the first time but sometimes they are milestones like my first 10 mile run or my first 20 mile run. When I finish a race I don't think about what I need to do to become faster, I think of the next adventure or challenge to try.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's totally awesome to get faster but it's not what ultimately motivates me. If I had to follow a training plan or a rigorous schedule, running would start to feel like a chore. I struggle with this because I'm always assessing myself and worried I wasn't cut out for distance running. I know I do need to train more if I eventually want to run 50 miles, but I am also not disappointed in the effort I put forth. I know I could have finished the 12 hours but didn't feel like I had anything to prove.

What I will remember most about planning and preparing for this event would be:

* Training runs with Sharon, my running buddy. We shared laughs, secrets and tried our hand at rapping while running. We pushed each other to run when the other one would rather sleep in. While running, we encountered dogs, a kid selling Kool-aid in the middle of winter with no Kool-aid in sight, chafing, whistles, upset tummies, trying to figure out what fuels worked for us while running and many places to pee.

* Introducing Sharon to hills and seeing the gleam of addiction in her eye after we were done.

*Training runs with my Michigan crew in the rain, running on roads, trails and stairs. The way they can motivate me and make me laugh so easily.

The Michigan Crew wearing NF shirts. Mark raised $2000 for his cause!

* Training runs with Jason where we would race each other. He's so fast he always wins even when I start without telling him. I feel like a little kid when I try to outrun him and giggle when I try to trick him about the start time.

* Running for the first time after the snow melted when I felt warmth and the sun on my arms.

Mind the Duck's was great fun but more than the actual race I will remember the following:

* Seeing Jesse win 1st overall! He is very humble but works very hard and I couldn't be more honored to call him my Facebook brother & friend!

Jesse won 1st overall with 77.24 miles!

* Meeting new and old online friends in person. I met AngieBee, Vanessa, Shacky, Shelley & Jimmy, Denise and talking to runners I met last year. Being able to talk to them all while running was the best of both worlds! FYI, Shelley is the best Race Director ever! She pays such close attention to detail and works her tail off and it shows!

AngieBee, Vanessa & Shacky wearing great looking tutu's!

* Coming up with a new line to yell at Rick (Michigan crew) every time he passed me. Some of my favorites were "So how much farther to Walmart? They told me around this next corner" & "Is this your first race?". I also enjoyed teasing him for changing his shirt 4 times during the race....what a diva! : ) (Full disclosure: it was raining and he was worried about chafing but calling him a diva was much more fun)

* The car road to and from New York. When John (1 of 4 in the car) laughed so hard while driving that he told us to "Stop it guys...I still have to drive" with tears in his eyes.

* Nearly peeing my own pants in the car. Those guys can make me laugh until I cry and my abs hurt.

* On the road trip, telling the guys "Look at the clown driving next to us" only to have them do a double take and see an actual clown. Hair, nose, makeup and clown suit. We laughed and speculated on where he was going.

I still have those memorable milestones of running for 12 hours last year and all those other firsts but I've come to realize it's not the end for me that matters most.

“The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.” - Don Williams, Jr.

Lessons motherhood taught me...

With Mother's Day coming soon, I took some time to reflect on my own meaning of motherhood. Before I had kids, I would see families in the store, see kids having tantrums and I was sure that was not going to be me when I had kids. My kids would behave themselves and not run like wild monkeys throughout the store. I had all the answers.

Oh boy, was I in for an eye opener! How naive, ok stupid, was I? I had my first born, my daughter Ava, when I was 28 years old. I was 5 days overdue and it was the end of summer. I went to bed every night crossing my fingers that tonight was the night. I thought I would have my water break and make a dramatic entrance into the hospital. Reality, was actually quite boring. I was spotting, called my dr, who in-turn told me to go to the hospital so they could check things out. From there they induced labor, broke my water and 10 hours later, Ava made her entrance into the world.

Ava Marie (middle name after my grandma) weighed 9 lbs. 1 oz

When she was born she didn't cry. It turns out she had a fever and as a precaution the dr. gave me and her antibiotics to ward off any infection. It wasn't until what seemed like hours but was probably only minutes I heard her first cry.

It turns out, that was all it took to get her going because she cried for 3 months, almost straight, afterward. The first night at the hospital the nurse asked if I wanted to keep her in the room with me or send her to the nursery. I said nursery because I wanted to get some rest. About a half hour after that conversation with the nurse, she brought her back.

I was a first time mom and had no idea what this meant or how often it happened but it turned out it was pretty rare. They brought our daughter back to the room because she wouldn't stop crying and was waking up all the other babies. I remember the nurse telling me "Wow! You have a spirited daughter." Jason and I looked at each other and smiled.....our daughter was special. Nope, as it turns out spirited is code for stubborn, loud and "good luck".

After Ava's colic ended, she was a pretty easy baby. So easy that, before her second birthday we had our son, Reese (they're 20 months apart). I had many false labor alarms with him. The last one, I thought my water broke or was leaking so I headed into the hospital for the third time (this was really embarrassing - each time I thought for sure it was my time and each time they sent me home)

Turns out my water hadn't broken but I somehow in my heavily pregnant state convinced my doctor to induce labor, which was a week before my due date. Reese was a big boy, weighing in at 10 lbs. 2 oz when he was born. Luckily, Reese wasn't colicky but did have acid reflux. As I hand down his clothes to his younger brother, I realize I have very few shirts due to the fact that most of them were so stained that I threw them out.

Reese Walter (middle name after my brother who passed away)

Life was very busy and hectic with two young kids. Even though it was tough to have them so close in age I love how close they are. They are partners in crime and I love seeing them interact with each other.

Partners in crime!

Jason and I had talked about wanting one more baby and at the time I wasn't taking birth control but we were taking other precautions. It was almost the end of summer and just before we would be going back to work as teachers. I knew if I could work it out, I wanted to have a spring baby so I could take maternity leave in the spring and have all summer with the baby. We decided, what the heck? Let's try, just this once and if it happens it happens.

Literally, we only tried once. In my mind, I thought it was a little bit like playing Russian roulette. What are the chances that in one try it would really work? While with the last two we got pregnant quickly, within 2 months, I honestly didn't think I would get pregnant. Turns out , I did!

Almost 3 years to the day after Reese was born, our third child Ty was born. He was a planned induction based on the large babies I had and he weighed 9 lbs. 4 oz. He was by far the easiest baby. I realized at this point that babies really are born with their own personalities. Parenting obviously makes a difference but I saw each of my child's personalities at birth.

Ty Michael

To this day, sometimes I'm amazed that I am a mother of 3 kids. What I have learned about motherhood is I really know nothing. All those "things" I thought I would do right with my own kids has turned into one big learning lesson for myself. Here is a list some of the things I've learned:

* Never rush a toddler. The world is new and everything is an adventure. Too often I get into "hurry up mode" for really no good reason at all. What's the rush? Sometimes I rush to get home but I really have no good reason to get home other than it's my final destination.

* Listening is so important. I learn the most from my kids when I simply listen. Too often I try to rush in and try to smooth things over for them but in doing that I miss a lot. By listening, I get the big picture and usually laugh along the way and what my kids say.

* Ask lots of questions. I try not to put words into my kids mouths because I want them to express themselves. By asking questions, I don't define what they are trying to tell me. I want my kids to be unique individuals and I try not to make my own opinions or ideals into their own.

* Don't judge other parents. I was SO guilty of this before I had my own kids. There are so many reasons that kids do what they do and now if I see a child having a tantrum in the store I think "Whoo! Thank goodness it's not mine". So many factors could be in play. The kid could be tired, hungry, grumpy or just having a bad day.

* Kids are creative. I feel I am the least creative person out there so to see my kids create art, stories or games is so fun for me. My kids play at bedtime and usually when I wake up I find something from their play time the night before. Sometimes it's a drawing, sometimes a story and sometimes I find candy wrappers. You win some, you lose some :)