I've got friends in low places....

Last week my daughter, who is 6, got her ears pierced. She had been asking for months so I gave her the necessary information that it hurts, you have to clean them and they might be sensitive or hurt while sleeping. She decided she was ready so that was our Christmas gift to her.

When I grew up we were not allowed to wear jewelry, makeup and my mom was overall pretty strict with clothing. I eventually pierced my ears at age 18 and had to stop wearing them at age 19 due to some strange reaction I get no matter what type of earring I try to put on. I think my mom was laughing on the inside and saying "I told you so!" but I really didn't care. It was one less thing to worry about and I'm not always the most fashion conscious so I didn't have to worry about matching or spending lots of money on earrings.

My daughter was admiring her earrings in the mirror when she told me "I hope Grandma Minnie (her name is Minnie) doesn't see my earrings. She won't like them". While it's true my mom wasn't in favor of my daughter getting her ears pierced that was just her opinion so I went on to explain to Ava that just because someone doesn't like what you might have or wear or say or do it doesn't mean that you need to stop yourself from doing it or being excited about something like getting your ears pierced.

And as I tend to do, I see a good opportunity to talk about certain topics so I probably got a little into lecture mode and went on to say "People aren't always going to like what you do and you might not like something someone else does. That doesn't mean that you can't be friends or get along. If everyone were alike it would be really boring. The key is to be open to new things and be accepting of other people's differences." I'm sure I rambled on for another minute or two because I get excited about sharing with her and I want her to always be open minded.

It led me to think about how happy it makes me that I can equip my daughter and kids for that matter with an open mind. I grew up in quite the opposite environment and always felt my individuality was pushed down and conformity was the way to go in my house. How simple something like getting my daughter's ear's pierced can lead to a bit of a sentimental moment for me. I love being able to share with her information that I wished I had at her age and something I think that will be of value to her in the future.

I wished I had that growing up but I can't change the past. I've accepted it and find it's not useful to dwell on. You can't change it or other people so what you can do is be the best you can be now. I've done alot of hard work to get to where I am today and I'm wasting no time with regrest!

This line of thinking got me reflecting on my friendships over the years and what led me to writing this post. When I was younger, I thought friends were people who all did the same thing, thought the same way and if you didn't like someone your friends would automatically dislike that person too. I thought people and friends fit inside a box and there wasn't much room in that box for anything else.

As I got older, I thought this to a lesser degree but I admit I struggled with it at times. I would talk about other people in order to fit in, I thought as long as my "friends' think the same way, then it's ok. I didn't realize I was insecure and building myself up through tearing others down. I didn't do it in a loud or outwardly way, so I thought it was ok. This period of my life I'm not proud of but it did give me the opportunity to grow and change. I have learned many lessons from this time. While don't like to think of the person I used to be it does help knowing I had the ability to do something and change. I struggled with alot of issues during this time and what it really boiled down to was me not liking myself.

Once I uncovered what I thought were dark parts of my personality and I realized they weren't necessarily so much dark as they were just in need of an adjustment. I formed views and thoughts on this world growing up in a very narrow minded way. I was suppressing my own personality to make others happy and you can only do that for so long before you self destruct. This cycle continued until one day I didn't want to do it anymore.

As I grew and changed so did my friendships. Those true friendships, the kind that even if you haven't talked in a year, you can still pick up where you left off carried on through this time of my life. While I wasn't always as close and I was probably guarded, those friendships still remain.

It was the other friendships that I struggled with. I had one friendship that I particularly struggled with. The person is a nice person but I realized as I was growing, our friendship was not. This came out in negative ways such as that person making backhanded comments that on the surface seem like compliments until a few minutes later you start to question it. It also came out in forms of making snarky comments because I was running longer distances and losing weight. It seemed as long as I was unhappy the friendship was intact and when I started to accomplish goals and become a happier person, the friendship was more strained.

I struggled because I wanted to make sure I was being fair. Was I reading into things? Was I being too sensitive? This person has a good heart but sometimes having a good heart doesn't always translate to good friendships. While I seemed to fill her up, she was draining me and friendships should be something that uplift you and enhance your life. I was feeling frustrated and drained.

The approach I took was to talk with her honestly. I figured it was all or nothing. If there was a chance for the friendship to continue I needed to lay all my cards on the table. Through many conversations I realized there wasn't going to be a friendship. Her perception of friendship and mine were too different. I eventually diminished contact which turned out to be no contact at all.

At that point, I reflected again on the friendship. I found I missed some aspects of the friendship but that it came at too high of a price to my own well being. I was putting far too much effort into maintaining it then what I was getting out of it. At first I thought this was really selfish of me. I didn't know if I had made the right decision or not. Friends should be there for each other in good and bad times.

But I eventually came to terms with my decision. Since this person is someone I work with, I have had many instances where I have been validated. I have witnessed childish behavior which has only reaffirmed my decision to end the friendship.

I am at a point in my life that if it's considered selfish to only surround yourself with those who lift you up then I am ok being selfish. I have the best of friends. The kind of friends that when you get together your bellies ache from laughter, it doesn't matter if you go for days, weeks, months or years without talking, you can always pick right up where you left off and you always feel fulfilled after a night out or a conversation with them.

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." -- Bernard Meltzer.

Huff 50k Report

Well, I'm still a 50k virgin! Finisher anyway. I ran 2 of the 3 loops at the Huff 50k course for a total of about 22 miles. But back to the beginning first....

The week or so before we left I was waking up with a headache every day. At first I thought it might be weather or allergies but since it was persistent I decided to get my blood drawn. My hunch was right and I was under-active or hypo-thyroid. They upped my dosage and within 2 days I was waking up again without headaches. No headache on race day is a good thing!

On Friday, we left after we got out of work. Jason, Jesse, Mark and I were carpooling down to Indiana to run together. I was really excited to start off Christmas break with a road trip and especially one that involved running and these guys! They never disappoint when it comes to entertaining and making me laugh. There is nothing that offends these guys and believe me I've tried!r

We got to packet pickup with plenty of time to spare. I get stressed out not having my bib number the night before so I was happy we made it in time. I can procrastinate on a lot of things but getting my packet the night before is always something I prioritize.

They had great swag!

Jason's chops...I love this look!

We checked into the hotel and headed out to get something to eat. We drove around for a bit, walked into a few establishments that didn't seem to want our business and ended up at a Mexican restaurant. The previous place we walked into immediately fell silent when we walked in. There were many a Christmas sweater vest in sight! I asked if they had a table for 5, seeing 2 empty four top tables I figured there wouldn't be much of a wait. They said it would be a 20 minutes. It's probably for the best because. We can tend to get loud and watching Jesse's belly inflate to the size of a 6 month pregnant lady was a whole lot more fun! That day he ate 2 Jimmy John subs, a bag of chocolate covered popcorn and two plates of delicious Mexican fare!. The food was outstanding and after drinks, laughs and more drinks at the hotel we decided to go to sleep.

Jesse's 15 lbs of food

Race day wake up was at 5 a.m. I was feeling good and ready to run, despite some frigid temperatures. I think it was around 7 degrees at the start of the race.

Getting ready the morning of

We waited in the car as long as we could, not wanting to freeze any sooner than we had to. Race time was 8:00 a.m. so we lined up at 7:50 a.m. I kept a liner from one of my coats on. It was so cold that I couldn't decide if I wanted to commit to wearing it the first loop (around 10.5 miles) or if I would get too hot. I don't like having too many layers on but I also didn't want to be too cold. I ended up wearing it at the start and when we ran by my car I ditched it.

Race day attire

Start time was 8:00 a.m. but an announcer said there were people still registering so they were going to wait for them to finish before we started. That was annoying because by this time I couldn't feel my toes and the lone hand warmer I had in my gloves wasn't doing much to keep me warm. We started at 8:15. That was my only complaint about the race. We shouldn't have to wait because others were registering late.

Waiting for the race to start

It was cold but I think my toes warmed up around mile 3 or 4. I got into a good groove. The trails were pretty flat compared to the summer races I ran. There were also portions of roads to run so it wasn't a tough course in that respect.

The first lap was pretty uneventful. The aid stations had great food including homemade turtles, m&m's, chips, pretzels, sandwiches, soup and hamburgers. At the first aid station, I tried to eat a turtle and struggled with chewing and breathing at the same time because the caramel was frozen. I had to abandon the treat in order to run.

Going into the second loop I started to question my ability to finish. I knew for the first 2 laps I would be able to move fast enough to stay warm but I kept questioning that 3rd lap. If I started it there was no turning back, I would have to finish. If I finished, it would involve some walking and I knew I would be freezing.

I also wasn't doing the greatest job and keeping myself fueled. I normally eat a Gu at every 5 miles but since it was so cold the Gu was frozen so I only at one during that 22 miles. I did eat food at the aid stations but I know it wasn't enough. I think I was subconsciously sabotaging my efforts to finish : )

Around mile 18-20 I kept going back and forth on whether I should finish. I was starting to get that "ultra hurt" as my husband calls it. I was achey my legs were feeling heavy. I also considered that the others would be waiting for me to finish for probably 2-2.5 hours in the cold. I know they would have gladly waited but it was one of the things I considered.

Sometimes I have that fire in my belly and know I will complete the task at hand but on this day I just didn't have it in me. I simply didn't want to continue. For the last 4 miles of that loop I went back and forth, back and forth but ultimately decided I was going to stop.

About a mile and a half from the finish of the second loop, Jesse lapped me. Damn, he's fast! I told him I was going to stop after lap 2 and he graciously asked if I wanted to run to the finish together. I kept up for about a half mile and I knew I was holding him back so I told him to run ahead.

Jesse's frost-bite

I finished my second loop and met Jesse. I was freezing and added layers and waited for the others to finish. It was great seeing Jason, Mark & Rick finish their first 50k. We realized the night before that Jesse was the only person in our group that had ever run that distance before.

I felt a twinge of disappointment watching other people finish the race but ultimately I am ok with my decision. When I think about how far I've come in a year, I'm very pleased. I started running trails last year in the winter and clearly remember the 4 miles I ran being the hardest running I've ever done. To be able to run 4 times that far is a great feeling. I don't have anything to prove to others and I want racing and running to be fun. I want to continue to enjoy the adventure and not do it at the cost of losing that. I did learn some things, however.

#1 Cold is my kryptonite! Ha ha! I feel if it had been warmer I would have had an easier time deciding to continue on. Of course, it's always easier to say that 4 days after the race!

#2 Winter ultras have frozen food at the aid stations, making them impossible to eat. I got brain freeze at one aid station trying to swallow frozen coke.

#3 Mexican food ended up being great carb loading. I thought I might have some stomach issues but I felt great.

#4 Ultra runners are crazy, fun people. One guy ran the race in shorts, gloves and shoes....that's it! What a beast! One other guy ran in a monkey suit (wish I had gotten a picture!)

#5 I learned that I'm ok with not finishing a race. No two races are ever the same and I don't want to beat myself up with second guesses.

All in all, I had an awesome weekend! I'll save the more humorous stories for my husband as he does a much better job of capturing those moments and writing about them. I think I'm humorous in person but that doesn't always come through in my writing.

My only sad point from the trip is knowing our next one isn't until May at Mind the Duck's 12-hour race. I'll just have to plan some fun running (not racing) adventures instead!

We are running a 6 mile race on January 1st to kick off the new year. Last year, Jason and I ran it, and it was my first winter race. I'll just have to talk the others into running it too!

Post-race meal

Getting ready for the Huff!

About a month or so ago I signed up for the Huff 50k. Anything starts sounding good after a glass or two of wine :) I originally signed up for the race in hopes to keep my level of activity up during the winter months. I was hoping a race would help motivate me. It turns out, it didn't. I'm just not motivated much during December. Try as I might to get out and run more or cross train, worrying about this impending date, it did nothing to actually motivate me. I had a handful of longer runs throughout but nothing more than 16-17 miles. A few times I headed out with the intention of running 20 but easily talked myself down. I tried to get up early to work out and planned on swimming more but none of those things happened. I guess my body was ready for a bit of a taper.

December is probably my least favorite month of the year. Mostly because it's the beginning of really cold weather and I can no longer deny that winter is going to happen. It also gets dark by 5:30 pm which is far too depressing. Along with the other holiday parties and gatherings, which I like to a point, but hate feeling rushed or like I have to do something. I hate being too busy in general.

One huge bright side to December is I get two weeks off! That part is really awesome! So what better way to kick off break than by running my first 50k. We head down Friday after work to Huntington, Indiana. I think I'm more excited for the road trip aspect and that I haven't seen these guys in a while due to busy schedules and Mark vacationing in Italy (lucky guy!).

I reviewed the registration materials and cannot be more excited! Ultra food is the best. They are providing homemade candies, in the form of chocolate turtles. Also on the menu is hot soup, grilled stuff, m&m's, sandwiches, chips and an assortment of other foods.

The course is run on a 10.5 mile loop so no drop bag is needed and we'll be able to use our car as our own aid station. I purchased everything I needed not knowing exactly what the temperatures will be like or if we'll have snow that day. So far the forecast models are predicting no snow and 24 degrees, partly sunny.

I have two mantras going through my head. One is modeled after KateK's post that "Training is for suckas" and the second is one of my most favorite quotes of all times from a friend Jason and I work with. He attempted to run a 50 mile race with his sole training base being (2) 5k runs. His rationale was "Anyone can run 50 miles if they train for it" which makes me laugh to this day. His theory was to push his body and see just how much he could give. It turns out 26 miles which is very impressive given the fact he really didn't train at all.

My plan is to run and see what my body can really do. Even if I don't feel the most prepared, I plan on running happy and making the most of my time. I know I will laugh, eat, drink and enjoy myself because I'll be surrounded by my husband and some of the best running buddies I know!

Western State Lottery Drawing Recap

Our original plan was to watch the Western State's lottery at a friend's winery. We had been looking forward to it for months but Jason had some work commitments that couldn't be rearranged so I ended up watching it online by myself.

I found the link and waited with anticipation to see if either he or our friend Jesse would get chosen. Jason entered last year and said he had a 16% chance of winning and this year the chance was of being chosen was down to 10%. Winning? Chosen? I wasn't sure how to phrase it. People asked me what he won in the lottery and had confused looks on their faces when I told them "The chance to run 100 miles in California!"

I found a link online but I wasn't sure if it was the right one, so I texted Jesse who was also listening online. I'm very embarrased to admit that although I teach computers, I find myself unable to perform simple procedures like engine searches. I was not on the right site as per Jesse so I typed in the information and started listening to a live feed.

The audio was really hard to understand and muffled sounding. I have kind of a rag-tag computer system as it is and pressed our pathetically broken headphones to my ear in order to hear. We share the computer with our kids and have already gone through 3 sets of headphones. In our stubbornness to not buy anything new we are sticking with this broken set.

I was still texting Jesse and commenting on the slow process. I was really hungry but afraid to get up fearing I would miss any names being drawn. In one of the lulls, I went back to my original link and saw that it had a feed that showed the computer screen, typed out names and a pie chart telling you what percentage of names to be drawn were left. Jackpot! This was FAR better than trying to listen in and decipher the names.

Somewhere in the middle of the drawing, Jesse texted asking if the site went down. I told him "No, it didn't. I was looking at the pie chart screen and the names were still going." He asked me how to get to that screen so I forwarded him the info.

Jason sent me a text message with a bunch of question marks ???? Oh man! This is not my day. I realized I had been texting him instead of Jesse about the lottery. Ha ha!

A few more texts were sent and I looked back at the screen. That's weird....they called a name from someone I knew that ran Western States last year. I then realized I am a complete idiot! I was watching last year's drawing. I told you I was inept at simple searches : )

I went back to the original site and it was down, just like Jesse said. They had a list of names that wasn't being updated very quickly but I thought I would give it a try. In true computer dorkiness I hit the refresh several times and Wala! A list of names. I scrolled down to the R's and S's to see if either Jason or Jesse's name was chosen.

I saw R-o-b-i.....what? Was that Jason's name? IT WAS! With my previous computer blunder I wasn't sure if I was seeing right but at that moment, Jesse texted me that Jason was in confirming what I was seeing.

Wow, oh, wow! I could not believe it! A million thoughts were swirling around my head but the first was to let Jason know. I tried texting him first because I didn't want to interrupt him. He texted back but he didn't respond to my message about his name being chosen. I thought that was strange but figured he was busy and would read it later. I also called and left a message to ensure he found out as soon as possible. His phone went straight to voicemail so I would have to wait.

In my confusion of mixed up text messages, Jason had received my text but didn't know if I thought I was sending it to him or to Jesse. It was nothing if not suspenseful I guess. That's what happens when you dislike talking on the phone and rely on technology : )

We finally talked and I congratulated him. I'm not sure if it's really sunk in for either of us yet but we are definitely excited!

Last year Jason entered and didn't get chosen. If he had been chosen I would have supported him wholly and done anything in my power to help him with his journey but I think sometimes things happen in your life at the appropriate times. While last year we would have made it work, this year we are in a much better place and in a better position for change.

We have the most awesome support system, the Hobby Joggas (if you've read Jason's blog and his reference to our group of running buddies - basically we eat, drink and run together but most importantly we have fun). Jason will have no shortage of pacers and people willing to help out. As a couple, we have had our ups and downs but are at a point where I think we have never been stronger. I'm not sure who is more excited at this point. Him because he's running it or me because I get the chance to help him realize one of his biggest life goals.

Our lives are changing and we're not sure about all of the how's just yet but I can say it will be the perfect kick off to the beginning of summer and the adventure of a lifetime!

Steps to a better me....

Some of the steps I’ve taken to be more comfortable with myself started with getting to a low point in my life and realizing I wanted change. I was stuck in repeating patterns but didn’t know how to get out. Part of what I did was real change on my part and part was using the guidance of a therapist. Below are some of the steps I took…

The first and probably catalyst for change was standing up to a bully. You know the type. Someone who makes the most noise and as a result gets their way. Someone who says mean things for the sake of tearing someone down for their own benefit. I really dislike confrontation but I was slowly starting to see that not all confrontation is a bad thing. I think it’s worse to turn your head and do nothing, I was formerly one of those people. I didn’t want to make waves. I would ignore that person or situation and do my own thing.

I think that was a huge mistake on my part and one I don’t plan on continuing in the future. If everybody turns their head and does nothing then it gives the bully further fuel to continue because there are no consequences to their behavior.

Without getting into all the details I had a meeting with this person because things were being said about me that were one, personal and two, lies. There was also someone being excluded from events solely because they were my friend. I decided enough was enough. Sometimes you need to take a stand and this was going to be mine.

To say it was easy would be lying. I was nervous, hands shaking but was trying to play it cool. I don’t like when people yell so I was trying to mentally prepare myself for what would likely be said and play it out in my head. I looked at various angles and was ready.

The meeting was held and the person in question tried to dig themselves out of a hole but for every argument that was presented I presented actual facts that couldn’t be argued with. I held my cool and even got in a few subtle jabs. Once I got over the fear of the unknown and started to talk things went very well. I had gotten myself all worked up over perceptions instead of reality.

That person stormed out of the room….a trait they are known for and I laughed out loud. Wow! I did it. Sometimes a noisy wheel is just noise. Sometimes there are structures that cannot be moved and that noisy wheel rolls right out the door.

Facing up to the fear of what that confrontation would be like was far worse than the actual event. I use that memory whenever I’m facing something new or unknown. When I’m scared and second guessing myself I know that my imagination is always worse than the actual thing I’m trying to accomplish.

That was the first thing…..The second was starting to run barefoot. I tease my husband that after I read Born to Run I was intrigued by the idea of trying it even though he had been running barefoot for years. The real story is I don’t think I would have been ready to try it at any other time in my life. I wasn’t open to people’s stares, questions or criticism. When I started, was exactly the time I needed to try it.

The third thing I try to do is trying something that would normally make me uncomfortable. The picture below is a picture of Jason and I on Halloween 2010. I found the most sparkly, attention getting disco-tech outfit I could find and paired it with some pretty tall hair.

Groovy Halloween!

I love Jason's hair in this picture!

This is an outfit I would not have had the courage to wear in the past. I wore it and I loved it! People would either say “Great costumes!” or avert their eyes as to not make conversation. We wore the costume into a bar later that night and were the only people there that had costumes. I didn’t care…it was fun! I like being goofy and it’s a great feeling to be able to have the freedom to do so.

I realized that if other people weren’t comfortable with what I’m wearing or doing that’s a reflection on them and not me. If people are offended or think I’m crazy, that’s just their opinion and an indication that they are not comfortable with themselves or open enough to accept others doing it.

I've found the more I try something that's uncomfortable, the easier it becomes until eventually it doesn't bother you.

The last thing that I’ve done is…..run! Last year I signed up for Mind the Duck’s 2010, a 12 hour endurance race. I signed up at the beginning of January on a whim. Actually, Shelley the race director was very convincing and I’m going to steal her persuasive argument to convince others to run it in 2011 which is “Sign up and run as far as you like. If you want to stop, stop…take a break if you need one. Run as much or as little as you want for 12 hours.”

It’s convincing because there’s always an option to stop and you’re running on a half mile loop so need to pack or carry anything yourself. It’s all there for you. Turns out I didn’t want to stop but it was comforting knowing I had the option to.

That allowed me to push myself further than I thought possible. I signed up for 2 trail marathons after that, GR marathon and a 50k! (Still not sure what I was thinking….or not thinking….lots of wine involved there : )

Those are distances I never thought would be possible for me and now I can’t get enough. I’m continuing to push myself and face up to fears. You never really know what you have in you until you try!

What's that? I run too much?

The other day I had a conversation with my mom. She wanted me to go to the store with her and I said no. It was at the end of a long day and I was ready to relax at home with the family. I like getting errands done earlier in the day and with 3 little ones, night time is my time to decompress.

When I told her no she told me "If you weren't running so much, maybe you wouldn't be so tired." I said it's not the running that makes me tired, that gives me energy. What it probably boiled down to is my mom cannot say no to anyone so she doesn't expect anyone to say no to her. But it did get me thinking about other comments that I or my running buddies have often gotten.

Much go along the lines of "You're obsessed", "You're addicted to running", "Is running the only thing you do?" and the best, but really worst was Jesse had someone that wanted to schedule an intervention for him. Not a funny "ha ha" intervention but an intervention that you would use for drug or alcohol addicts.

Why is it that because I enjoy something I must be obsessed? If I worked really hard to earn a lot of money would people say I'm obsessed with working?

I can work hard when I need to but I can equally lounge around all day in my pajamas. One summer I took 27 college credits to finish my master's degree. I maintained a 3.75 average for that summer....darn math! I could have had a 4.0 : ) The point is I can be a work horse when I need to be but I am also able to let go and do nothing and just enjoy myself.

I do have that constant balance of work, family and running. In my experience, I've found that if I don't run I'm crabby. When I do run I have more energy and my spirits are lifted. Finding that balance can be hard but it's something I put a conscious effort into. I don't run to the detriment of my family or ignoring my spouse. I run because of them. I want to be healthy and the best thing I think I can do for my kids is to be a good role model when it comes to food and exercise.

There was a time I would worry about what others thought but these days I figure it's their own issue. Whether that issue is justifying why they don't have an outlet of some sort and making you feel bad about having one. Or trying to justify why they are too busy to exercise or like my mom who probably doesn't think I run too much but really needs to put herself first.

I want to stay healthy mentally and physically for my family and running allows me to do both. And let's be honest, its just a lot of fun!

One of my new fun things I've tried for cold weather running is spicing up my running clothes with colorful tights (see picture below). I have blue & pink and plan on wearing the pink tights to my next running event. I need another top that has more color though. Right now I only have 2 winter long sleeve shirts I like to wear.....and they're both black. That will have to go on my Santa list!

A busy week and a recap

It’s been a busy past couple of weeks. I had parent/teacher conferences at school which can make for some long nights. This time of year I always struggle with motivation so add in being busy and it means I haven’t done a lot of running or working out. I tell myself every year I will keep up my schedule from the summer and each year I get a little better. But I have missed more workouts than I would have liked.

I did get out for a short run with my husband on Sunday. We went to a nearby trail system. We haven’t been there since last spring because during the summer it’s waytoo buggy. Between gnats and deer flies it’s better to run during cool weather. The gold and yellow leaves provided a beautiful back drop for our run.


It was a good, easy run. I realized the last run I had been on was probably a dehydration issue. I forget how the transition from summer and hot weather to cool weather affects my drinking water. Since I’m not “hot” I don’t think about drinking water. Thanks to Jesse I connected the dots and was much better hydrated this time around.

About halfway through the run, I fell. It’s one of those falls that happens in slow motion. I knew I was going to fall so I weighed the options in my head of how to best fall. I had enough time to throw my water bottle off to the side and brace myself. My left knee landed on a root which stung a little. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to run on it but other than some interesting bruising patterns, it hasn’t caused me any problems. This is the second time I’ve fallen at this park. I’ve ran a fair number of different trail systems and this is the only one I’ve ever biffed it at….and twice!

At the end of the run Jason was eying a hill and said he had to try it out. It wasn’t really a hill but more like an 80% grade climb. I took pictures of him while he was bear climbing his way back up. I didn’t climb it this time but we’re thinking of incorporating it into a future run with our running crew.


At home, the kids are always entertaining. One of my highlights from the older two (6 and 4) was watching them play in the woods. Ava was the mom and Reese was the dad. Reese stayed home and made pasta and lettuce cakes (his idea) while Ava told him she was going to the woods to shoot some animals. She went on to make the appropriate gun shot noises with her branch (rifle.) No typical roles for those two : )

Ty (18 months) is at an age that can be difficult. He can’t quite communicate what he wants and gets frustrated easily. He’s very entertaining but I look forward to when he gets over this hurdle and can communicate more easily. He’s also our little Mr. Independent. He climbed the stairs to a slide at a nearby park and wanted to climb down all by himself. It was too steep to let him actually do it so when Jason held out his hand for help he swatted it away and loudly yelled “uh-uh!”.


I haven’t been swimming in a week and really miss it. I am going to make it a priority to go 2 times this week since my schedule is a little more freed up. No matter how exhausted or crabby I am, my mood instantly brightens when I hit the water.

Thanksgiving break is next week. I’m looking forward to spending more time with the family. I wanted to do something I haven’t done with the kids yet but haven’t figure out what that will be. I was thinking about ice skating, painting ceramics or maybe a day trip somewhere. And I’ll definitely have to get in a long run!

Looking for a Deeper Understanding....

Whoo! This post was very easy to write but will be one of the toughest for me to post.

A couple of weeks ago I was in a funk. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what was bothering me. When I feel down, I go back to old and sadly, comforting habits. Sad because I over-analyze, criticize and beat myself up. My first reaction is to bury my head and not deal with any of the “feelings” I am having. It’s comfortable, it’s easy. Unfortunately, it’s not healthy.

The timing was good because I had a therapy session coming up. I was feeling two things and I couldn’t connect them. The first was anger. The second was picking myself apart. This is my journey into figuring out how they were connected.

Me at 18 months

Sometimes life is going along just fine and before you even realize it an old habit is poking it’s ugly head. My first reaction is to ignore it, bury it and move on with life. But this isn’t the healthy thing to do. I know if I want to continue to grow and become the person I want to be I need to face issues and memories that are difficult. Even though I think I’ve moved on and don’t need to revisit old memories I’m finding out they can still teach you new things.

I recently went to therapy and made a surprising connection. It started innocently enough. My kids being their precocious selves. They had found a pair of scissors (children’s ones of course that aren’t supposed to really cut stuff!) and decided to cut several stuff animals and collect the little white balls in various places like an empty pillow case, the floor and generally ALL over. In the process of trying to clean up the debris, we broke a vacuum and a Shop-Vac. Those tiny little buggers are evil! Way worse than the Easter grass they get on Easter : ) Honestly, I didn't care that they did it, I was not looking forward to cleaning it up. I told them next time, talk to me and we can do it in a controlled environment.

That day my kids were yelled at by me. I first scolded them for making such a huge mess. Their first reaction was to laugh and say “Wasn’t that great? Those white balls are the best”. They weren’t laughing at me but laughing hysterically at the mess they had made. This made me more angry so I yelled loudly at them and pointed out exactly why it wasn’t the greatest thing ever and how difficult it would be to clean up. And they wouldn’t be watching tv, playing or having any treats until the mess was cleaned up. They got quiet.

After cleaning up my daughter told me she doesn’t like it when I yell at her. I told her I was very angry at the time and angry about the mess they had made. I told her it's normal to get angry, yell and then move on. No matter how much I yelled or seemed angry I would always love her.

I told her that sometimes she gets mad at mom and dad and we still love you. You need to let people be angry. It doesn’t last long but it's worse to hold it in. We hugged and went on with our day.

Of course, my therapist helped me get to this point of clarity as I’m retelling it because at the time I didn’t think anything of it. I do remember thinking that in my family I felt I had to suppress anger a lot so it’s important that I let my kids see anger and be angry. I was also told to act in a certain way, especially when in public. I should be quiet, behave and act appropriately. Appearances were a big deal in my family.

Me at age 2

I told the therapist I was feeling angry but I didn’t know how to deal with that anger. As a child, I couldn’t show it physically if I were mad. I would sometimes be told “Oh, that ‘s just Shelly. She is too sensitive” because I would suppress my anger until eventually I would blow up. And yes, things would be overblown and I did over-react but I could only stuff so much down before it came back up.

My therapist asked how it made me feel when others got angry. My response was that I hate it. It makes me cringe and feel uncomfortable. I don’t like when people yell at me and I don’t like hearing others yell. And I knew what was to follow….”Why do you dislike it? Can you tell me more about how it makes you feel”

Ughh! I hate feelings! At least my own. I hate talking about them and I hate digging up memories. But again, on this self journey I am committed to doing the things that make me uncomfortable in hopes of moving past them.

Me at around age 4

It boils down to the fact that I don’t know how to deal with anger. I have no good role models. My mom never says no, suppresses her feelings and does the same thing I did…..eventually blow up. My dad, well, he’s a different story.

One of the memories I talked about that day and one that I hate talking about is my earliest childhood memory. I was 3 and I was potty trained. I know that because that night I had an accident in my underwear. I remember a house full of screaming women, no lights and lots of running from room to room. My earliest memory is really a nightmare…..

As I’m writing this my eyes tear up and my chest aches. I think about that 3 year old now that I am a mother and think of it from a mother’s perspective. How sad and awful it is for anyone, much less such a young child to witness the following event. I cannot even imagine my kids having to deal with anything even close to this.

My dad is an alcoholic. My mom was in the process of getting a divorce from him. At that time she had 4 children ages 3, 6, 10 and 13, me being the youngest. My parents were blue collar folks, both construction workers but they would buy houses, fix them up and make a profit. At the time they had around $10,000 in savings which my dad took and my mom never saw again even though she had 4 children to provide for. My dad also only had to pay $25 a week...no, that's not a typo. $25 a week for 4 kids which he didn't pay. He would get under the table, cash-only jobs to avoid paying child support.

My mom and the family traveled up north to visit her mom. She came back and on that day many things in the house had been destroyed. My mom’s new washer and drier was dented, cords cut and useless. Most of the windows of the house were broken, rocks or glasses thrown into them, shattering them. Dishes and other household items were inside as well, broken and thrown about. It was obvious to my mom that my dad had been the one to damage the house.

My mom called a couple of her sister’s to come over and stay with her. It was 3 women and I’m assuming all of my other siblings though I don’t remember that specifically. Day turned into night.

The power lines and the phone line was cut. The once bright house was now pitch black. My mother and her sisters who aren’t the best under ideal circumstances were frantically screaming. They were scrambling to find a flash light or some source of light to find their way.

Some parts of my memory are clearer than others but the next thing I remember is being pushed into a room by my mother. She was hiding behind the door and told me “If your dad comes looking for me. DO NOT tell him I am behind this door.”

Well, my dad was looking for her……while carrying a shotgun. I knew my mom was frightened and therefore, I was frightened. My dad eventually came looking for my mom and I did what a typical 3 year old would do. When he asked where my mom was I replied “Don't look behind this door. She's not behind here." He obviously looked behind the door. There was a lot of shouting, pushing and shoving. I don’t recall all that was said or how things ended but I do know that we all survived that night.

I’ve done the only thing I know how to do and have buried that memory and moved on. I guess I still discount how much of an effect it has had on me. While I was lucky my mom moved out and moved on with her life I only had 2 role models for anger. One that buried it and one that could be fatal.

The two would eventually meet. I would bury anger for x amount of time until I eventually blew up in anger. I would blow up in an anger that scared me. I didn’t connect the dots until talking to the therapist about why.

Me at age 5 (I had a bad haircut)

I still struggle with anger. Not so much with my kids or other people but more with Jason. Since he’s my partner and mate I fear getting angry with him because it might mean a loss or sense of abandonment. If he sees the “real, angry me” he might be horrified and want out. Perhaps he’ll view me like I view my father.

In some ways, it makes me laugh to think about not being able to effectively “be angry”. It sounds like a silly thing not to be able to do. Being able to identify my funk definitely helps. I didn’t realize how thinking about my own kids and wanting to give them what I didn’t have so there's a sense of loss for me. But with that loss I know I am providing a valuable tool for my own children.

I don't blame my family or mom or anything else. I think she did the best she could and in many ways was such a strong role model for me. Unlike most kids with divorced parents, I never wanted my parents to get back together so I thank my mother for that. For moving out and providing me with more stability.

Me in Kindergarten (A family friend took me to get my hair cut without my mother's permission. She was upset to say the least)

I also like that once I can identify that feeling then I can confront it. I’ve spent so much time trying to move forward without actually “feeling” that I struggle with those feelings when they do surface. My goal is to finally put them to rest. How is not exactly determined yet but I hope by talking about it and writing about it will help.

Posted throughout the blog are pictures of me as a kid. My daughter is my mini-me. She'll look at the pictures and say "I don't remember that" : )

A long run and a hard reset!

This Sunday my running crew decided to go on a group run. We decided to try a new trail system (new to Jason and I but not Mark & Jesse) so we chose North Country Trail. This trail system spans across seven states. It runs from North Dakota to New York.

I was feeling pretty good about my 5k time and thought I was overdue for a long run. Whenever you’re feeling really good about your running ability sometimes a humbling run sneaks in and this was definitely one for me!

Last Sunday we went on a birthday run (my birthday) and it was so much fun we decided to go on a longer one. I ran with Mark last week (I’m slower than the rest) and Jason and Jesse ran ahead. I figured I would be able to keep up with Mark during this run because we matched up pretty well on the last one.

As long as I’ve known Mark I realized this would only be our second run together. It was so much fun chatting with him. You really get to know someone when you run. No topic is off limits and I love it that way! I miss my previous running partner but she’s currently sidelined with an injury so I was definitely craving the social aspect of running. I give a lot of credit to those who are so diligent about running by themselves. I need the social pressure of a group or a race to keep my motivation going.

It was a gorgeous fall day. Initially, the temps were pretty cool but they warmed up to what I thought was a perfect running day. The actual trail was a bit of a drive, a little over an hour from our house. Jason and I had a babysitter but had a time we had to get back by. We figured they would run ahead, turn around when it was the halfway point and I hoped the timing worked out right. I love my niece and she’s an awesome babysitter but had obligations in the afternoon that I didn’t want her to be late for. She’s so great with my kids that I want to make sure I keep her happy!

We all came from different houses so we decided to meet at restaurant and pile into our car and drive to the trail system from there. Our backseat passengers were provided with several discarded snacks leftover on the floor from my children, a pacifier and wrappers. We know how to treat our guests right! : )

I was badly in need of a long run. My last was the GR marathon. I had been working on speed work for my 5k and didn’t run over 6.5 miles. I was feeling grumpy and in need of what only a long run can bring me. It is utterly cleansing to my soul.

I apologize for my nerdiness that I am about to share with you. I worked at a computer company for 8 years. We made custom made pc’s but my specialty is computer applications such as Word, Excel, and any Office products. I teach it to high school students and I really enjoy it. I get excited over short cut keys and new features. I remember when Windows first came out and I thought the Undo & Redo button were gifts from the gods. I can undo mistakes? This is fabulous! To further my dorkiness I vividly remember dropping an egg on my kitchen floor and the first thought that popped into my head was “Press the Undo!”…and I was sorely disappointed that I instead had to clean the mess up myself!

So I relate long runs to my hard reset, rebooting or overall recharging of my soul. I get a feeling like no other. I know even if I don’t get to run in the next few days my long run will sustain me. I like the sore muscles, the way my body feels tighter and my overall mood is lifted.

As we prepared to start our run, our usual juvenile hi-jinks ensued. Jesse flashed us his running shorts liner, jokes were made about nipple chafing and cats (don't ask!) and the most outrageous cake combinations....think Necco wafers or Funyuns.

Group photo before the run

The trail was great.. Some spots were a little tricky in my KSO’s and I have some bruising today but overall it was a good change of scenery. Mark and I kept up a pretty consistent pace. I felt good and averaged between a 10 and 11 minute mile pace for 8.5 miles until we met Jason & Jesse. They turned around at the 10 mile mark. I was slightly worried at this point about my hydration. I only had one water bottle and forgot to pack some Nuun or S-caps for electrolytes but I thought I would be fine.

In my quest to pack warm weather gear (because I always forget something) I didn’t think to pack the usual things for a long run. This would be a very bad in 45 minutes.

When we turned around I led for about a mile or so but felt too much pressure being the leader. I know the guys are faster so I let Mark lead next. Mark started out all casual at first but a few minutes later I felt out of breath. I looked down at my Garmin and he was running between a 9 and 9:30 minute mile. That’s fast for me on roads but I tried to keep up as long as I could. After a couple of miles, Jason and I dropped back. We were running out and back so I knew I would meet up with those guys eventually. We were still doing ok on time so I wasn’t worried about making it back in time for my niece.

About 5 miles from the car I realized my critical error in not packing any electrolyte replacements. I was poorly hydrated from the day before and morning of and knew I didn’t have enough water. I was feeling much more fatigued than I should at this point. I stopped and ate a GU and found some peanuts to eat. My legs were starting to cramp and I was hoping this would help a little.

I was still running at a slow pace but I was still running. Jason also said he was starting to cramp and we both silently scolded ourselves for our lack of planning. Usually in a relationship one person is a planner or at least a better planner but we’re equally bad. I was getting a little worried about making it back on time but I also knew my legs weren’t cooperating.

About 3 miles from the car I had to stop. My legs were throbbing and felt like they were on fire. I haven’t felt this sharpness or intense pain in my legs since finishing North Country Trail marathon and that was a much longer distance and at the finish. Even walking hurt but it felt slightly better than running so I continued walking. Mark & Jesse were gracious enough to stop and wait for us so we caught up to them.

I thought the group would motivate me into running which I tried but after a half mile I felt dizzy and had to sit down. I have never ever in my running life felt like this. I ate more peanuts, more GU and drank some water. At this point I was out and sipped from Jason’s water bottle. I couldn’t believe how bad my legs felt. My calves felt like the point where you know you’re going to have a charlie horse and you know if you move slightly they will seize up. I felt like my body was shutting down on me.

I got back up and walked again. We saw an older gentleman sitting on a log enjoying the trails. We said hello and he replied “I was supposed to ask if you guys were together”. Mark & Jesse – those jokesters! It’s been a bit of an inside joke that we never get tired of.

Back up to one of our first post clinic meetings at a restaurant we were sitting around a table of approximately 8 or 10 people. The waitress asked Jason what he wanted to order and he replied “Just so you know, we’re together” as he pointed to me. Our table burst out laughing and continued to tease him by saying “I know you were eyeing him up and were wondering if he was attached or not….but we’re together. Just so you know”. He claims he misunderstood what she said but we still never get tired of teasing him about it.

So I laughed and told him “We’re together.” I could hear the road was nearby so I decided to try and run again. At this point, I just wanted to be done. If I had the option to have them come back and pick me up by car, I would have gladly let them but it wasn’t an option. I ran the last ¼ mile to the car and was grateful to be able to sit down. Mark and I ran a total of about 17 miles. Originally I wanted to run 20 but I was thankful it was only 17. My overall pace with walking was still 12 minutes so even though I didn’t feel the greatest, it was still a good pace for me.

I’m guessing I had a sodium-potassium imbalance which caused the cramping and my lack of hydration certainly didn’t help. I know I planned poorly but it taught me a lesson to prepare better in the future. I felt fine the rest of the day other than the usual stiffness after a long run.

Even though the last part of the run wasn’t the best I still had a good run. I love that I can laugh and joke with those guys because it makes all the difference. My worst run is still the best because we’re having so much fun and it was just the hard reset I needed!

Costume 5k

rrThis year I made it one of my goals to run a race in costume. Previously, I would have had a hard time drawing any attention to myself and would have been uncomfortable. I always envied people that could dress up because they looked like they were having so much fun but it was something I didn't think I would feel confident enough to do.

Oddly, running in Vibrams and barefoot has really helped along the way. I've had many people ask about my VFF's and they them self draw attention. Not to mention running along side my barefoot husband for many years.

This race was an easy race to wear a costume to because it was the day before Halloween and many others were also dressed up. I would guess about 15% of the 728 racers were dressed up. About a month ago I went online in search of my running attire and decided on Storm from X-men. I love the movie and the character so it seemed like a perfect fit. I wanted something with a cape and was excited this came with a small silver one. I found some leg warmers on line that had a tuxedo theme and a loop that went over my toe so I would easily be able to wear my VFF's.

Before the race

On race day I got ready. I bought a white wig but at the last minute opted to use silver hair spray instead. I wasn't sure how well the wig would stay on and since the character typically has short hair I decided to use my own. I put on silvery, glittery fake eye lashes as well. It was really fun putting on makeup for a race. Normally the only thing I put on is sunscreen.

My silver hair & fake eye lashes

We met up with Jesse at the race site and posed for a few fierce looking pictures, ok maybe we're not as much fierce as we are dorks! The air was chilly at the start but it was a nice clear day.

We are fierce!

We lined up at the start and we were off! In the beginning, my feet felt like icicles. I normally wear socks but didn't today. My feet didn't feel cold just standing around but once I started running I realized just how cold they were. They didn't warm up until around mile 2.

I wore my Garmin but today was a day I didn't feel like looking at it. Sometimes it pushes me and sometimes I ignore it. Why? I have no idea. I'm just kind of a strange watch wearer I guess.

At mile 1 they announced the times and I was at a 7:05 pace. It was great seeing others running in costume. Some of my favorites (besides the people I was running with) were Thing 1 & 2 from Cat in the Hat, 70s guy with a 4 foot tall Afro, Pac Man ghosts and a priest that ran with his Bible.

There were a few rolling hills along the way but for the most part we ran through neighborhoods. I was again asking myself why I was running a 5k. I think I would take a long, slow race any day over a fast 5k. I like pushing myself but I can't say I like running fast.

I sprinted as much as I could at the end. I wanted to pose for the camera but I never think about it on time. I usually see the camera and it's more of an afterthought. Darn it! One of these days I'll remember : )

Jason looking like a warrior!

My awesome husband came in 12th overall! He really amazes me. Jesse came in 9th overall wearing jeans, a flannel shirt and Wolverine hands. He got a lot of funny looks but proves you can have fun and run fast. Our friend Brandon won "craziest costume" and his picture made it on the news. How cool is that? Our friend Scott, who I didn't get a picture of ran the race barefoot in a really great caveman costume. I didn't want to worry about losing my camera so I didn't get as many pictures as I had hoped for.

Brandon's "craziest costume" I love the look on his face!

I set a PR with a time of 23:43. I came in 4th in my age group which was 30-39. I wonder if I would have come in 3rd if the age group was 30-34. Overall I was 118 out of 728 people and 17th out of 418 women.

Before the race

I won't lie and say it isn't awesome to get faster because it is a really good feeling. More importantly is how I feel. I love running.

The other day a co-worker told me she runs 4 miles. She did it for exercise and because it was a quick, effective workout but she hated every minute of it. That used to be me. I ran initially to lose weight. I ran a handful of races but nothing more than a 5k.

Switching to VFFs and barefoot running really changed how I felt about running. My form got better, my running smoother, recovery is much faster and overall I was just having fun! I finally got what other people were saying when they said they loved to run.

I know a huge part of that is the people I run with and the people I have met through running. I can't say how special my friends are, online or otherwise. When you open yourself up and take chances it's amazing how great that transformation can truly be.

It's the little things...

My kids can be many things....funny, stubborn, whiney, silly, tough, curious and so much more. Before I had kids kids I had an idea of what type of parent I would be. Of course, kids humble you greatly. I thought I would have well behaved kids and it would be a matter of good parenting. Ha ha ha! I love being a mother and it's one of the most important things and one of the things I strive hard to be.

To me being a good mother is many things. First and foremost, I think for me it's about letting my kids just be themselves. This is something I struggled with for most of my life. I grew up in a religious, strict single-parent household. My mom was (and is) always worried about what other people will think of her. She goes to great lengths to try and counter this by spreading herself too thin, taking on too much and eventually stressed out trying to keep up with others and never being able to say no.

I knew I wanted just the opposite for myself. The only problem is I didn't always know how to go about it. It's easy to say "I don't care what people think" but another to actually believe that yourself. For some things, I truly didn't care but others I secretly obsessed about what people thought. I would think about it from all angles, I would consider how they responded to something I said and analyze the hell out of it. Could it mean this, could it mean that? I was spinning my wheels doing the same thing my own mother did but just in another form.

I wanted to be myself and be comfortable with it but I had no idea how to actually do that. I would see others and envy their freedom to express themselves. I did NOT want this kind of life for my own children so I knew the only way to prevent that from happening is to figure out how to do it for myself first.

I struggled immensely with this and found unhealthy outlets, and did things I'm not too proud of. At the end of the day it wasn't solving my problem. It wasn't until I was fully able to really look critically at myself, own up to my own actions and do something about it that I was able to really change. Change is hard. It's much easier to live in denial, suppress your own feelings and go about your life in the only way you know how. Even if that's unhealthy it's still familiar.

When I was ready to face up to my own issues was when real change began. It was scary at first. Truly gut wrenching. I did things I was so afraid of but I found once I took one small step I could take just one more step and it was only uncomfortable.....and eventually an amazing thing happened and I wasn't uncomfortable.

I realized when I let go of what others thought of me I was able to look at things through a much clearer lens. There was less distracting "noise" around me. I was able to focus in on what things mean to me instead of always worrying what others thought of me. I started to revel in being different. If I liked wearing something or saying what was on my mind I just did it. Let the chips fall where they may. Some people are going to like me and some people aren't. The ones that do I will treasure because they will get it. They will get me for me and let me be the person I am and likewise I will allow them that same freedom. I don't care if I see eye to eye with others, I love a good debate. I just want genuine friends who are open minded.

This, in turn, led me to let my kids be free to be who they are. I don't quickly shush my kids if they are crying because someone might get offended. Sometimes you need a good cry. I let my kids walk barefoot in the store and get strange looks but I don't mind. My daughter plays in the woods donned in a dress and head scarve, just because it feels good to her. She likes wearing 12 ponytails in her hair because she feels like a pony. My son paints his nails and some people are uncomfortable with it. Some people raise their eyebrows but some people get it.

Here are some pictures of my kids just being themselves and I love every minute of it!

Ava's pirate look

Playing in the woods

12 Ponies...can you do 20 next time, mom? :)

What? My hands were cold.

Sometimes they do things we don't recommend : )

Your guess is as good as mine :)

Trail Lover

After running the Grand Rapids Marathon, I realized my love of running trails and hills. While, GR boosted my confidence about my abilities to run faster than I thought I could, I really missed the trails.

I got horribly sick after the race and was itching to run but I let my body get the rest it needed. On Friday I went for a 3 mile trail run after school and felt great. The next day it was like I took 4 steps back and felt horrible (body aches, chills, fever, congestion). I loaded up on vitamins, water and rested.

I had a sitter for Sunday morning and I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about running. After my comatose state on Saturday I wasn't holding out any hope. Luckily on Sunday morning I woke up and felt refreshed and much, much better. Not 100% but far better than the previous day.

Jason and I decided to head to a local trail next to a ski-lodge. The trail itself is about a 5 mile loop and there are 3 ski hills next to the trail. We decided to run a 5 mile loop first. My legs felt a little stiff at first but after a half mile they felt good and loose.

It's a fun trail to run. It's fairly technical and lots of ups and downs. It's also used for mountain biking but we didn't run into anyone this morning. The last time I ran this trail there were far more bikers out. One that still makes me laugh a little is a biker that turned the corner and fell. Normally, I wouldn't laugh at another person that fell but I guess it was the way he fell. He was coming around a corner. Came to almost a complete stop, turned the corner and fell. Up ahead just a few seconds later, he ran into another biker. I told Jason about it (he was ahead of me running with Jesse) and he said he saw the same biker fall. The only conclusion we could come to is maybe he was drinking & biking.

I love the physicality of running trails. You use more overall muscle and I especially love the hills. I channeled some of my inner speed from my husband, Jason, whom I deemed the billy goat. He's so fun to watch on hills. Second to him would be Jesse, who I deemed the jackrabbit. He wasn't with us today but I think of their hill abilities every time I run hills. They run them so effortlessly.

I'm getting stronger on hills and genuinely enjoy them. I think part of the reason I got bored during my marathon is the terrain was basically the same. While there was beautiful fall leaves, a lake and other surrounding views, it wasn't the same as getting muddy, bouncing over rocks and pushing your legs up the tough hills.

After the run, on the way back to our car to get the camera, I ran past Jason and taunted him a little. I might have said something like "You can't catch me, old man". It was my version of speed work. He always beats me but I'm slowly getting faster. I still enjoy the game of trying to outrun him.

We wanted to run a few hill repeats and I wanted to capture the hills on film. We chose the steepest of the 3 hills. It's so hard to get the angles right and show the true nature of hills but I took the best shots I could. Jason at the bottom, side views and views from the top. We ran a total of 3 hill repeats, one with the camera and the other two without. I say run, but mine is more like a slow jog/walk. Jason is amazing and managed a 10:32 pace up the entire hill!

Jason at the bottom of the hill

Side view running up the hill

Jason almost at the top

The only downside to this trail is how far away from our house it is. I wish it were closer. I'm not sure which I like better, the trails or the hills. Luckily I didn't have to chose and did both.

This Saturday is my costume 5k. I am so flipping excited! I have a costume, a wig and a cape. I'll take lots of pictures and hope to set a new 5k PR!

Grand Rapids Marathon Race Report

Wow! What a great run! I can truly say I had a great time running this race. I had a great cheering section which was amazing!

Ready to run!

Going into the race, I started coming down with a cold. I wasn’t worried though because after running with colds in the past, I have found I run just fine and maybe even better. Race morning, I packed up all my gear and headed to downtown Grand Rapids. My mom came as part of my cheering crowd along with my daughter, my husband and Mark…whom I affectionately have my kids call Uncle Mark (he’s not actually related to us). This was the first time my mom made it to one of my races. I was happy she decided to tag along, especially at one of the longer events.

She made me laugh because along the way my husband was cheering “Go Shelly!” my mom shouted “Step it up!” My mom’s kind of competitive. She told me after the race she could walk that course. They do have a half marathon walk so I told her to sign up next year. I think she caught the bug.

Morning of the race

We headed downtown early and met up with Jesse Scott, his friend Alex and Jesse’s girlfriend Sam. We were also meeting Mark and Ryan. Jesse, Alex & Ryan were also running the marathon. The weather was perfect. It was a little cold at the start but I kept layers on until I lined up but even then it was much warmer than when I ran the half marathon last year. No gloves or hat needed this year.

Jesse and I traded a Zensah sleeve so we both wore one pink and one blue sleeve during the race. I got more comments and compliments on my sleeves and less questions about the Vibrams than during past races. I did have 4 or 5 shout-outs given to the Vibrams during the race and even a high five when someone saw I was wearing them. I only saw two other people wearing them during this race, which is less than past road races.

Jesse & I before the race

At the start I wasn’t sure where to line up and who to keep pace with. With running trails previously, I really had no idea what to pace myself at. I decided to start around the Oprah pace and darn it I almost made it but Oprah eluded me around the halfway mark.

There were lots of people at the start. I got into a groove right away and for the first time (and this has never happened before) I crossed a bridge and heard others asking when they would post mile marker signs. I thought “we just started, why would they post signs” and just around the corner was a flag for Mile 3. Never in my life has 3 miles felt like a blink of an eye.

Running happy

Shortly after that though I hit a weird low and realized I was hungry. I took out my first Gu packet and ripped it open. I don’t know what it is with me and my timing but as I was trying to get the contents out of the packet, which is not pretty or dainty, there was the good ole camera waiting for me. Snap, snap! At least I’m keeping up my trend will ill-fated Gu eating pictures. Last year during the half marathon I was eating a chocolate Gu when my picture was snapped. I did a closed mouth smile for that picture fearing I would look I had several blackened teeth.

The first few miles were around the city and then it wound around a park so there was lots of great scenery to enjoy. I even braved the woods to go to the bathroom. I feel like with the marathon crowd this isn’t as widely accepted but with the ultra crowd it is. When you gotta go, you gotta go!

Some of the highlights from the race were seeing many friendly faces along the way. Someone came up behind me around mile 16 and it was someone I had gotten lost with at Fallsburg marathon. He was supposed to run GR marathon but sprained his ankle 3 days prior to the race.

Running around the lake

There was one lady dressed up like Wonder Woman and one person dressed up in a Where’s Waldo costume. Jason and Mark met me along the way several times. It was such a lift to my spirits to see them. Jason yells loudly and always makes me smile. Mark took lots of photos which I am displaying throughout this post. For half the time my mom and 6 year old daughter were with them. My daughter got tired of walking so they played at a park for the other half.

Ava waiting

The only negative part of the race was around mile 20 - I got bored. I talked to others that ran this part of the race and they said they experienced the same thing. I don’t know if it was the area or lack of scenery at this point but I struggled mentally, not physically. I think part of it is I missed trails. I wanted to run a road race to see what my time was but I really have more of a fondness for trails. I tried striking up conversations with other runners but nobody seemed to want to talk.

There is usually someone to talk to and you feel a great sense of community or that we’re in this together and I didn’t get that vibe at all from this race. I was far enough back from the leaders and thought there would be others that might feel this way but after a few failed attempts I gave up.

The last mile I couldn’t wait for this race to be done. It’s about the time I think “Why do I do these races? I’m never going to run this far again”. I tried picking up my pace but I never increased it as much as I wanted to. I saw the 4:44 pacers holding their sign so my strategy was to try and keep up with them until the finish. It worked and I even mustered up a little kick at the end. Every time I think I can’t do this and every time I think of Jesse and his kick at Mind The Ducks (12 hour endurance race) at the end and I muster up enough energy. If he can do it at the end of 12 hours, surely I can do it at the end of 26.2 miles. You always have a little more in you than you think.

Finishing was great! I was so happy to see my family and friends at the finish. This is also the time where I start thinking “That wasn’t so bad. When’s the next race?” Overall I think I did a good job of fueling and hydrating. I think I could have peed less but I still have issues with that. I think I have to go and half the time I do and half the time I just feel like I do. I felt physically good and even at the end when I wanted to finish I didn’t feel nearly as physically fatigued as I have in past races. I was very happy with my time.

Alex, me and Jesse at the finish

On a side note, I had someone at my work ask me how the race was and what my time was. I told her and she asked if I was happy with my time. It just struck me as an odd thing to say. I'm always happy I finish. For me time isn't the greatest reason why I race, my time that is. I love when I do get faster but it's not my ultimate goal or reason I run. I had a good time throughout the race and was always smiling. I run because it feels good, keeps me energized and gives me a sense of accomplishment. I don't want running to feel like a chore or something I have to do so for me it's important to always keep it fun.

Maybe next time I can keep up with Oprah! (Whose time was 4:29) but I'm guessing Oprah never peed in the woods! : )