My First 50 Miler In the Books!

This was by far the toughest thing I have ever done. I used more mental mantras and pulled from a deep place I didn't know existed to get myself through to the finish line. I also, swear a lot in this post. In some compartments of my life I actually swear like a sailor and running 54 miles is one of them.

It all began when I toyed with the idea of signing up for the 50k and against better judgment....ok, lots of alcohol and the prodding of Jeremiah Cataldo (fellow Hobby Jogga), I signed up for the 50 mile race at Woodstock instead. The whole feel of the race and its participants is one of the coolest I have ever been too. There are events you can run in the buff, skinny dipping was happening on Saturday night at the pool, and at the finish of my race there was discarded clothing on the trail and giggling girls in the bushes.

The night before I watched and crewed a lap for Jesse who's race started at 4:00 p.m. After that, I hung out by the fire with my Hobby Joggas (misfit band of runners). I was tired from a poor night's sleep the night before so I went to bed around 9 pm.

I was awakened at 2 am by a group of overzealous dancers and drinkers. They were loud and annoying. I don't think they were running any long distance races the next day. So my plan to have a restful night didn't happen as I lay awake for 2 hours willing myself to sleep.

The plan was to wake up at 4 am for a 6 am start but I was so groggy I've done something I've never done for a race before....I hit snooze....several times. I finally got up around 5:20 and prepared for my run. I was camped within feet of the start so other than wanting to get the bathroom out of the way I had plenty of time to make it there.

I was eager to start and had heard the course was very muddy this year due to large amounts of rainfall. It had rained through the night and rained the first 2 hours of my race as well. Seventy four participants were signed up for the 50 miler.

The start line

We started in the dark and silly me forgot a headlamp. Luckily, I had several people offering me the use of their headlamps so I secured it and we were off! I ran the first couple of miles with Mark. He's too fast for me even if he is an old man :)

Very early the course was muddy. The type of mud that when you step in it, it almost takes your shoe off. I was loving it! Some people were trying to step around the big puddles of water and I heard a lady yell "You're going to get wet, you might as well embrace it!" How right she was!

The trail to the first aid station was filled with mud, knee deep water and lots of slipping and sliding. I amazingly didn't fall here, that happened later, but several people fell during this stretch.

At the first aid station I saw Jason, Jeremiah and Jesse waiting for me. Those guys are the best because it was wet and mosquito ridden. Seeing them at the aid stations even though I didn't need anything that early was the best part of my run by far.

I chatted with several ladies along the way. Most everyone I talked to was doing their first 50 mile race. It was still raining and throughout the trails you could hear "splish, splash" of peoples feet ahead and behind you. I was happy when it was light enough out to see the ground without the use of the headlamp because I was very worried about my clumsy self falling and seeing the ground was very helpful especially on the hills.

When you got to the few hills on the course they were very difficult to maneuver up. The muddy clay mixture made it very slippery so it was a matter of trying to hang on to trees while climbing up on the left or right side. Towards the top I had another runner extend their hand and help me up. Ultrarunners are the best! Many people fell and you would immediately hear someone ask "Are you ok? Do you need some help?" I've never met such a helpful bunch of runners.

I made it to the next aid station and didn't see my crew. It was still wet and raining so I thought maybe they decided to skip this one. The crew would have had to run a half mile into the woods to gain access to the aid station so I thought maybe between those two factors they decided to meet me at the next one instead. I found out later they missed me because I ran a little faster than they predicted.

I headed back into the woods and figured I would see them at the next one. I continued running and eventually got to a road. This is THE road that caused me swear at myself. I cannot remember if I was running with people at this point or not. I think I was but I can't say for sure. I saw a sign that pointed into the woods and one that pointed left. I didn't even pause or question the signs it's only something I thought about later when I found I went the wrong way. I was supposed to turn left but instead I jumped back into the woods.

As I was running that loop I thought I was seeing the same things twice like the pair of black gloves lying in the road, the fence on the right side, etc. I ran out of water and was concerned that I hadn't come to the next aid station. I didn't think the distance should have been this great between the two.

I knew I had made a mistake was when I got to the same aid station I had just left. I didn't even want to ask if I went the wrong way because that would make it true. I was joking the night before about my ability to get lost far too easily on the trails and I knew I was living up to that reputation. I finally asked the aid station volunteer who consulted his map and we figured out I didn't take my turn. I wouldn't save any distance backtracking so I went back into woods.

I figured I added around 5 miles to the course. Fuck! This race was going to be hard enough on me without adding any additional miles to it. I kind of shrugged it off and figured I would try to put it out of my mind. I would laugh about it later and try to just run my race.

I saw a fellow ultrarunner Ben (he came in 3rd overall! Speedy!) and he asked if I was on my second loop. I would be running 3 loops total. I told him "No, I took a wrong turn" but I was going to keep on going. I saw Mark shortly after that and he was on his second lap as well. I saw other runners I was keeping up with on the first lap but they were on their second laps. I was starting to get discouraged. I felt like I had been running this one loop forever and not seeing any progress. I couldn't tell myself that at leas I had 1 loop done because it didn't seem to end.

I started getting nauseous and dizzy. The Gatorade I took at the second aid station was not agreeing with me and I think the lack of water when I took the wrong turn was catching up to me. I finally made it to the last aid station of the loop and opted for water only. I had about 4 miles to the start/finish line.

The crowd was pretty thinned out at this point. I would see an occasional 100 miler running or a 50 miler passing me. There were multiple races happening over the weekend with different start times so I would eventually see the 50k runners on the course.

I started getting really depressed during this stretch and stopped running. I walked and contemplated what I was going to do. I did not feel good and I would have to run two additional 16.6 mile loops which sounded impossible to me at the time. I couldn't will myself to run and was considering dropping. I was mad at myself for taking a wrong turn and feeling like garbage. Maybe this wasn't my race. I was in a serious mind fuck.

I kept going and slogged through the biggest mud pit I've ever run through. I will admit, this part was fun even if I was in a bad funk. It was ankle deep mud that for me was impossible to run through. At the end of it (because it went on for a while) was a photographer waiting. He jokingly yelled out "I'm here...just in case you fall I can capture it on film!". Ha ha! I loved it! These will be the first race photos I purchase just to show how much fun the course could be.

I kept weighing my options over and over in my head. I wanted to drop like nothing else. The previous day Jesse had to tell the race officials he was dropping and said that was the worst part about dropping. I jokingly said "Yeah, it's kind of like breaking up. Nobody wants to actually say the words out loud". Did I want to say those words out loud? I wasn't injured so I felt like I couldn't. Did I feel nauseous enough to drop? Oh, the internal struggle!

As I was battling my own thoughts I saw two familiar figures! Jason & Jeremiah! Yay! I was so excited to see them. I told them about my wrong turn and as funny as it seems they had heard from Ben's mom who was crewing him and relayed that information to them. The running rumor mill is quick and very useful.

I told Jason I wasn't feeling well and heard crickets. Damn! He wasn't going to make this easy for me was he? I made a few other comments about not feeling well and going off course....again, more crickets.

Ok, you two! I know what game you're playing! I've played a hand or two myself you know but it's fun when I do it :)

So I made a deal with myself. I would go to the start/finish, change my shoes, eat and see how I felt. If I felt good I would continue on.

When I made it to the start/finish it was a huge boost to my well being. I heard several people shout my name and cheer me on. I changed my socks even though I knew they would get wet again it would be a small boost. I ate salted potatoes, m&m's and a Gu packet. Since I had laid off the Gatorade I was starting to feel better.

A little aid station pep talk

I told the guys I was heading out before I changed my mind. Off to the second loop! My mental strategy was to get through this loop by myself and I would get through the last loop with my pacer and BFF Jason :) I knew running with him I could get through it.

Mentally, I started feeling really good so I was running well. The mud and water was even more fun the second time around. I guess in one section the water went past knee level but that was as deep as it went for me. I would take a step and think it was ankle deep and surprise!

I saw another runner, Mark. I told him I was trying to decide if the consistency of the mud was more like chocolate pudding or oatmeal. It was thicker than pudding so maybe oatmeal. I got to the first aid station all smiles. I told Jeremiah I was really happy with my decision to continue on. I had my second wind and was going to finish.

At the second aid station I met an awesome ultra runner in person. Prior to this I've only interacted with Farra via Facebook. She is much cuter in person and the epitome of a cool chick!

I ate more salted potatoes, chips and Gu and was on my way. This was the third time I ran this particular section and I would have to run it once more to finish. I fell apart a little in this section and my running gait was off. When Jason saw me coming into the third aid station he later told me I was looking rough. I was feeling rough. I think going through that section reminded me of the additional miles and messed with my psyche.

All I had to do was get through this next section and I would be getting Jason to keep me company. It wasn't pretty but I powered through this section into the start/finish line. I saw lots of happy faces and cheering again.

Running into the start/finish....one loop to go!

I saw Ben and he ran a bit with me and filled me in on his finish. Mark had just finished the course and was waiting on the sidelines too. It was a little demoralizing knowing these guys were done and I still had one more loop to go. But it was my fault I took the wrong turn and I could never keep up with their speed regardless.

Muddy girl!

Jason told me about cutoff times and sadly it wasn't something I had even considered. I knew we had 16 hours to finish the race but I didn't think I would need that much time. With the additional miles I had added (which ended up being 4) I had to be aware of the time.

Headed out for my last lap!

I was anxious to show Jason the course and all its muddiness. I knew he would love it. It was tough physically but mentally I think it's what enabled me to finish. Without the mud and water, the course would have been relatively flat in regards to elevation and hills. The mud just made it fun!

The first half of the last loop I did pretty well running. I kept up a decent pace and was on track to finish within the cutoff. I told Jason to talk to me as a distraction and we also leap frogged the last loop with a couple finishing the 100 miler.

At the second aid station I was feeling rough. My body ached and my feet hurt. I sat down and said "I curse you Jeremiah Cataldo! You believed in me!" I had roughly 8 miles to go and I was going to need every ounce of mental strength I had.

Jason told me I was doing well mentally? I don't have anything to compare to. He said I wasn't in a perma-brain fog and was still thinking clearly which was meant to be a compliment but at the time I wasn't buying it. So what if I was fine mentally? I still fucking hurt...a lot!

I won't tell you all the things I said during this portion but let's just say I was not very good company. Jason was smart and either kept quiet or said the occasional "I know" and kept going. I kept waiting to get to the road to take my turn to mentally check off that part of the road but it was taking forever. The road was playing hide and seek on me. I didn't remember there being two clearings before the road and each time I excitedly thought it was my turn only to keep going.

Finally the road! I was hobbling at this point. Jesse had walked back part of the road and was trying to perk me up with jokes and stories but I was far inside my own head trying to will myself to move.

We made it to the final aid station and were still concerned with cutoff times. Jason's plan was to have Ryan (who joined us there) walk in front and Jesse to walk behind to illuminate the path and hopefully get me to walk faster. At this point, there was no running happening.

It was perhaps the longest 4 miles of my life as I hobbled through those woods but I eventually heard the music and saw the lights. I knew I was close and soon I could stop.

When we got to the top of the hill I knew it was only a few hundred yards to the finish. Somehow I managed to pick up my feet and run surrounded by Jason, Jesse & Ryan. I raised my hands above my head and cheered "Yeah!!!!!" and I ran into the finish!

Oh...my....god! I could finally stop! I was done with a whole 5 minutes to spare! I took almost the entire 16 hours and was dead fucking last! It felt awesome!!!!

I don't need to justify being last or even worrying about it. I actually thought it was pretty fucking cool!

I am very proud of myself for finishing and being able to get past that initial blow of going off course.

Up next is Javelina Jundred (100 miler).....time to wrap my head around that one!

It's Never As Bad As You Think

When we quit our teaching jobs and started traveling around the U.S. I did have some fears lurking around in my head about our day to day living. Any change, especially a big one is bound to give you second thoughts. While I was excited to start our journey, I worried about specific things.

For example - Would I kill my children? I've had some previous bad experiences in the car with them and I knew some days we would be traveling for 8 or more hours in one day. When my daughter was an infant she was I think the only exception to the rule that kids love being in cars. She would scream from start to finish during any car ride we would take. I would dance like her puppet and try singing, playing peek a boo, bribing her with suckers and one time even putting a blanket between the front and back seat going with the theory that if she couldn't see us maybe she would quiet down. Nothing worked for long and I'm sure today I still have some of that residual anxiety riding in the car.

I envisioned the worst scenarios but what I found on the road wasn't any worse than trips we've taken around here, long or short. As bad as they were at our previous house was virtually the same on the road. The only difference was location. I feared something greater in my own mind and found out it's like anything else. Sometimes they're good, sometimes they're not but it wasn't the catastrophe I envisioned in my mind.

I've found this to be true of long distance running as well. I can be my own worst enemy at times. Doubting my abilities and telling myself all the reasons why I can't do something. I think of a given distance and think "there is no way in hell I can do that." While I'm still pushing through those barriers and finding my fears to be worse in my head than in reality, I still have a long way to go.

I am confident in my abilities to run marathons, 50k's and even though I haven't completed my first 50 miler I know I can do it...it just might not be quickly : )

I'm still surprising myself and want to push myself even farther. Two years ago I would have laughed if anyone told me I would run a marathon much less more than one. One year ago I would have laughed if someone told me I would run a 50 mile race.

I decided to take it even one step further outside my comfort zone, I have signed up for Javelina's 100 mile trail run. I've heard it's a fun race and one where people dress up and run in. Which is right up my alley!

I'm going to focus on my internal conflicts from now until then and trust the abilities of my body and train respectively.

After all, I will have an expert crew member/pacer with me, Jason!

5 Signs You Might Be a Martyr Mom

This is not a new term but one that has shown up from time to time. A martyr mom is a someone who sacrifices her own needs every single time. She puts her personal needs, wants and wishes on the back burner. She then justifies her martyr behavior by convincing herself that it's the best for her kids, she has no choice.

The truth is that kids feel guilty when mom does all the giving. Rather than weighing kids down with layers of guilt, lift their spirits by taking good care of yourself . Here's some of my own personal signs that you might be a martyr mom.

# 1 You're a date breaker

This can include many things from not going out on a girls night to breaking plans you've made with a girlfriend because something comes up. The whole world will implode if I am not home with the kids...I'm a martyr mom.

I've had friends break plans with me for seemingly good reasons. Sure, a sick kid is a reason to stay home but not always (at least in my humble opinion).

I had a friend break plans over diarrhea. Not my friends diarrhea, but their kids diarrhea. We had an event planned months in advance and the day of the event, her kid had diarrhea. She told me she couldn't leave dad to handle it all alone, she had to be there. Believe me, I like taking care of my kids when they're sick but I also have no problem letting their dad take over either.

Maybe I have a cruel streak, but that would be all the more reason for me to high tail it out of there! I've dealt with my share of toxic explosions and would gladly hand one over to dad. But "dad can't handle it, I better stay home".

#2 You can't do date night, because the kids can't be away from you.

Your kids are fine without you for a night. Kids feed off of our energy so if you make leaving a long drawn out process they will do the same. It's important to have couple time so make it a priority.

If you're lucky enough to have a helpful husband like I do who helps with everything around the house and with our kids, I like to do what I can to show my appreciation. My husband doesn't want a foot rub or a new pair of jeans. He likes my appreciation shown in much simpler terms. The sexy sort!

He needs a night away from the kids as much as you do and spicing things up is fun...and it's ridiculously easy! A simple suggestion: Go on a date night with your husband and go commando! Tell your partner at any point in the night and watch him salivate! If you want to take it up a notch show him you're going commando by wearing a skirt just before you go into the restaurant. He'll be thinking about nothing else!

#3 You busy yourself with endless activities

If you've stretched yourself so thin with bringing the kids to soccer, football, bake sales, dance, piano, gymnastics lessons and so on it doesn't take long for you to pass out from sheer exhaustion. You end up literally driving yourself crazy, tired and without any energy for anything else. In between you'll tell anyone who will listen you would like to go out for a girls night but who has time?

I argue you can make anything a priority. Stop spreading yourself so thin and make time for yourself! You will be a better wife, mom and person for it. Plus, like I tell my kids "Nobody likes a whiner"...who wants to listen to someone complain non stop?

#4 Nobody can do it like me!

Everybody has their own preferred method of doing things but there is more than one way to solve a problem. Moms will do everything themselves because they claim "My husband doesn't do it right." He may not do it your way but who's to say there is only one right way?

When Jason does things with the kids he usually does them in a way different from mine but he's still accomplishing the same goal. When he dresses the kids, half the time they are wearing each others clothes or they may not quite match up.....but they're dressed. I could care less what strangers think of me and it's one less job I have to do. Bitching about it only makes your partner resentful and less helpful in the future.

I also think Jason comes up with more creative solutions to problems than I do and that's great for the kids. They learn there is no "right way" to solve a problem and they tend to come up with their own creative solutions as a result.

#5 You don't have time to have a hobby

I like to run but if you don't there are endless hobbies you can take up. Again, make it a priority. You will be less stressed out. I know if Jason is doing something cool and I don't have anything going on I become resentful. He's not stopping me. He recognizes that I need that away time as much as he does. Have your own cool adventures and you will be better for it!

Again, these are my own personal opinions. I do think that women need to take time for themselves and leave the guilt behind. You will be recharged and an overall better person for it.

Ouray, Colorado Race Report

This race report is a little late. With our life on the road, I haven't found a good time to write but I need to work on that. I'm having a great time and want to document my thoughts and feelings better.

This is my take on my marathon in Ouray, Colorado. Originally, I signed up for the race because it was listed as a trail race and more importantly it was in Colorado! So far, it is my favorite place to run. It was also going to serve as a training run for my 50 mile race on September 10th.

Race day!

We had 3 weeks of time to fill in our schedule so we decided to camp in Loveland, Colorado for a week to enjoy some mountain running. After that, we made one of the most gorgeous drives I've ever been to Montrose, Colorado. The drive was filled with mountains, desert terrain, and various wildlife along side of the road.

The day before the race, we were able to preview the course so we took them up on their offer.
I was disappointed after viewing the course that it wasn't the type of trail I was used to running but gravel roads. I really enjoy tough, technical trails and was hoping this race would have that since it was located in the mountains. I'm a bit of a masochist and enjoy the physicality of mountain running. It humbles me every time but I keep coming back for more! The spectacular views of the mountains helped make up for the lack of technical trails. Ouray is called the 'Switzerland of America' and its beauty was breathtaking.

I think I've gotten a better handle on pre-race preparations. I've learned hydration up to a week before racing works for me. I drink tons of water leading up to a race. I've also learned that my pre-race meal of choice is any type of Mexican food. So far, it's just what works for me.

The day before the race, Jason previewed the course with me and in a total case of race envy signed up for the race too! I was happy because it's fun having someone to share the racing experience with.

It had been around 5 weeks since my last long run of 19 miles. Needless to say I was itching for a long run. I wasn't looking to set any PR's on race day. I wasn't sure how the hills and 7500 ft elevation would treat me so I was just looking to enjoy the day.

On race day it was cold in the morning. By far one of the best things about Colorado is it's blazing hot during the day but like a switch at night the temps cool way down. I sleep best with cool temperatures and don't mind starting out a race in them. I love the heat during the day but I also love the cool temps at night.

There were only 46 participants signed up for the marathon. It was the first time this particular race offered the marathon distance. In the past it was known for the half marathon which has been been put on over the last 10 years.

We lined up at the start ready to go. A few marathon maniacs at the front of the race said “Whoa! I don't feel comfortable being at the front of the pack!” but it was pretty hard not to be at the front with so few people : )

I started off with an easy pace and was enjoying the views around me. Jason is much faster than me so he was off towards the front.

I consciously decided that I would not wear a watch, which was no big deal since I typically don’t' pay much attention to it anyway. I've liked it in the past to know how many miles I had left but I haven't worn it in a few months.

I also opted for no music. One, because I couldn't find it but more importantly because I wanted to race without music. I think this was one of my few races in which I didn't have music and I couldn't believe how fast the actual race flew by.

The first few miles just felt good to be out there running. I didn't have many people around me at any given point, probably because the overall numbers were so low. About 4 miles in I had to go pee...damn my momma's bladder! I passed up a portapotty because: #1 They're disgusting and, #2 I'm as bad as my kids when it comes to the excitement of peeing outside. The thrill of it can't be matched! I stepped off to the side with plenty of tree cover. I stepped on what I thought was brush and ending up a little deeper down into a hole that some animal was using for their home. Since my knee was still swollen from my previous mountain fall I had to perfect the almost standing free style peeing form. Since this was the first potty break, I did pretty well!

I hopped back on the road and was happy to see my first big hill. The whole course went uphill but it was on an incline so it was hard to notice unless you got to any kind of significant hills. The first hill was about 7 miles in and it felt great! I love hills and although I'm not particularly good at them but I love the overall challenge and the feeling you get when you get to the top.

At this point I started to see walkers from the half marathon. The half marathon course started at Ouray and ended up to Ridgway, Colorado which basically went downhill. I thought the half marathon would be far less fun since they didn't get to experience any real hills.

Around mile 8 I saw the leader from the half marathon who was flying by! I was so excited to see people and so happy to be running. I was smiling like a lunatic and shouting out lots of praise for the runners, giving high fives, way to go's and so forth. There were over 300 hundred people from the half marathon and I think I greeted almost all of them, at least those who weren't fully engrossed in their music or running.

At around mile 10 I saw the leaders from the marathon. They were also flying! I shouted out some “looking goods!” and kept on running. Around mile 11 I saw Jason. I noted he was around 7th overall if my calculations were correct. Damn, he's fast!

I made my way to the top which was the halfway point, 13.1 miles. I noted on the way up there weren't too many good hiding spots in which to pee so I opted for the bathroom at the turn around section. I had to wait for them to be unoccupied, hurriedly peed and was off again!

I peed two more times and probably didn't need to. When I run downhill if I have anything in my bladder at all I feel it and go way more than I need to. Although I was getting better at perfecting the half standing up peeing position that fell apart at the end. The advantage to high heat with no humidity is that fabrics dry incredibly quick!

I will say that this race is the most complimented I have ever been during a race. From the women to the volunteers or other racers, I had so many people tell me how much they liked my outfit. That was something I have never experienced in a race before. I don't know if Colorado folks are just very complimenting folks but they really made my day! I had a few people tell me I should have won the 'most fashionable award'. I'm not sure about that but I was flattered none the less!

I felt fantastic up until around mile 17. At this point I was starting to get tired and the temps were climbing so it was getting toasty. There was nobody around and maybe the social part of me was hoping to see and talk to someone to distract myself. I told myself I would get through the next 5 miles and it would be almost over from there.

I got to the aid station at mile 20 and again I was complimented by the ladies working there. This did wonders for my spirit as shallow as I might seem. The only downside was at this point it was getting very, very hot. The temperature was in the 90s and without any shade the sun was brutal.

I finally made it to the next aid station at mile 24. I knew from the ride along we did the day before they would have actual food there. This is something I forget since I tend to either crew at ultras or race them. They have a buffet of food and I forget that most marathon distances only have water, Gatorade and sometimes (but not always) Gu. I was excited to have tootsie rolls and gummy bears. My stomach was feeling a bit nauseous and I thought the sugar might help pick me up.

Turns out I was horribly wrong. It's the only time I can remember not wanting to eat candy. The sweetness of the gummy bears and the chewing effort it required made me gag. I ended up spitting both the gummy bears and tootsie rolls out. Since they didn't have any salty treats at the aid stations I opted for drinking Gatorade instead.

For the last 2 miles of the race, I felt like I was going to throw up. I've never experienced that feeling in any race prior to this. I wasn't sure what the reason was but after talking to other people I think it was due to the elevation change and running at high altitude. I felt nauseous for 2 days after the marathon and that's never happened before.

The last 2 miles I mustered up all my energy to finish the race. I was hot and looking forward to the post race fun. I finished in 5 hours and 7 minutes. Not a PR for my marathon time but I was very pleased with the results given the hills and elevation change. This race made me smile and reminds me why I love running long distances.

At the end I didn't feel trashed as I had at previous marathons and my recovery was very quick. It was a huge confidence boost knowing how good I felt other than being nauseous as a preparation run for my first 50 mile race on September 10th. I can't believe it's only 8 days away!

I'm going into the 50 miler the same way I went into this race. I'm going to be happy to get in a long run, have fun and enjoy the day!